FINALLY
Walter was right! There is no such thing, thus he doesn't keep one. It is just an illusion where people fool themselves into thinking that this kind of person will always think what is best for you. Its most fundamental core, being altruism, is overrated.
Nearly 12 hours ago, I just witnessed a bright ray of sunshine illuminate through overcast skies. And everything is clear. The treatment administered based on the initial diagnosis made the underlying symptom finally surface after all this time. With consultation from the "team", it is clear to me that the patient was suffering from a progressive case of lonliphobia. Look it up, it starts with L and has nothing to do with being lonely in the past and present.
Patient has been discharged. Get some rest, see you all tomorrow!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
HOUSE
It's about the doctor, not about real estate.
I just got a copy of House M.D. all 4 seasons of it from my coworker. So apart from Heroes and Prison Break, I'm adding this to my list of TV series to watch in my spare time. I'm a frustrated doctor so this is definitely something that will interest me. I watched 4 episodes of season 1 tonight and I just liked their brainstorming sessions - "differential diagnosis".
Imagine all those possible diagnosis for a given set of symptoms. And no two diagnosis can exist based on the same set of symptoms. Surely they are all in medical books, but having all of them stashed in ones mind at that crucial moment is simply amazing! Add in the wit, sarcasm, and yes Dr. Cameron, this TV series rocks!
It's about the doctor, not about real estate.
I just got a copy of House M.D. all 4 seasons of it from my coworker. So apart from Heroes and Prison Break, I'm adding this to my list of TV series to watch in my spare time. I'm a frustrated doctor so this is definitely something that will interest me. I watched 4 episodes of season 1 tonight and I just liked their brainstorming sessions - "differential diagnosis".
Imagine all those possible diagnosis for a given set of symptoms. And no two diagnosis can exist based on the same set of symptoms. Surely they are all in medical books, but having all of them stashed in ones mind at that crucial moment is simply amazing! Add in the wit, sarcasm, and yes Dr. Cameron, this TV series rocks!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Curtain Call
With you, I can always speak my mind - no filters, no pre/post processing, no excuses, no mind games. You get the rawest form of thought that comes to my mind. WYSIWYG. I believe that is something that is given only to a select few. With you, I will always be just myself. Not the John that I wear to the office, nor the John at parties, not even the John I keep at home. With you I will always be myself, the one I keep in private, the one that is free and truest to form.
I'm now taking you to a string of parties and that's where we'd stay. I will take some hors d'ouevres, add in a glass of champagne, and maybe take a light outdoors to make more friends as many people have made with just striking a lighter or a match. And maybe as friends pass by I will introduce you to them, and they to you. We'll laugh with them, make small talk, exchange stories in our pursuit to keeping up with the times. Occasionally, we'd listen to talk that just goes straight right through the other ear, and we'd just nod and exchange smirks and fake smiles, because that is just what you want or what others would want - the affirmation that they've been heard, listened too, empathized, and that we are all in agreement. The world is intolerant towards what goes against it. And that's how it is gonna be, because that is how it has become. We all just want to feel good knowing that we are all in agreement. And it shall be like that, till all that neglected truth inside will consume us like a cancer that rots the bone.
I guess that arrangement is much better than being invisible, though I can and I have done so perfectly with many. I can provide a list of ghosts if that fancies the horror junkie or spirit questor in you. You know how I feel, and to ignore it would be missing the very essence of what we both share. I'm sorry but I cannot ride on with this masquerade show you are trying to host, pretending as if things are just the same as just the way they have been. I refuse to enlist into your cast as an actor masquerading as the one the damsel in distress always runs to. That is not even a role I would want to be in knowing that it is all but Shakespearean theater to you, Director. I have grown up to know that my role is with the real world. And such role in the real world is so beautiful and sacred that immitating it in some play would be a sacriledge.
I cannot be anything else other than myself, because that is who I chose to reveal to you. Doing otherwise would make a fake out of me, a fiction character like those in children's books. So, I'm taking you to a children's party. I'll suit up first and I can go along with you if you want to play mommy and daddy with the kids. I'm sure it will be fun. I'm alright if you want to tag this as Act One. No dialogues for me, okay? Just plain acting.
With you, I can always speak my mind - no filters, no pre/post processing, no excuses, no mind games. You get the rawest form of thought that comes to my mind. WYSIWYG. I believe that is something that is given only to a select few. With you, I will always be just myself. Not the John that I wear to the office, nor the John at parties, not even the John I keep at home. With you I will always be myself, the one I keep in private, the one that is free and truest to form.
I'm now taking you to a string of parties and that's where we'd stay. I will take some hors d'ouevres, add in a glass of champagne, and maybe take a light outdoors to make more friends as many people have made with just striking a lighter or a match. And maybe as friends pass by I will introduce you to them, and they to you. We'll laugh with them, make small talk, exchange stories in our pursuit to keeping up with the times. Occasionally, we'd listen to talk that just goes straight right through the other ear, and we'd just nod and exchange smirks and fake smiles, because that is just what you want or what others would want - the affirmation that they've been heard, listened too, empathized, and that we are all in agreement. The world is intolerant towards what goes against it. And that's how it is gonna be, because that is how it has become. We all just want to feel good knowing that we are all in agreement. And it shall be like that, till all that neglected truth inside will consume us like a cancer that rots the bone.
I guess that arrangement is much better than being invisible, though I can and I have done so perfectly with many. I can provide a list of ghosts if that fancies the horror junkie or spirit questor in you. You know how I feel, and to ignore it would be missing the very essence of what we both share. I'm sorry but I cannot ride on with this masquerade show you are trying to host, pretending as if things are just the same as just the way they have been. I refuse to enlist into your cast as an actor masquerading as the one the damsel in distress always runs to. That is not even a role I would want to be in knowing that it is all but Shakespearean theater to you, Director. I have grown up to know that my role is with the real world. And such role in the real world is so beautiful and sacred that immitating it in some play would be a sacriledge.
I cannot be anything else other than myself, because that is who I chose to reveal to you. Doing otherwise would make a fake out of me, a fiction character like those in children's books. So, I'm taking you to a children's party. I'll suit up first and I can go along with you if you want to play mommy and daddy with the kids. I'm sure it will be fun. I'm alright if you want to tag this as Act One. No dialogues for me, okay? Just plain acting.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Coping with Change
"Change is the only constant thing in this universe."
I once thought that whoever popularized this cliche was just trying hard to be one helluva smarty pants. And in time, I've come to accept it as something that will break you if you do not yield. I can compare this with my daily MRT rides to the office. The subway train is so packed, that if you just stood stubbornly still when the train stops and the doors open, you will be pushed around and maybe stepped on if you never cared to move yourself away from harm's way - from old "auntie" who's only goal is to disembark the train against all odds.
"When a door closes, another one opens"... just make sure there is a floor on the other side lol! Was that a joke? I think that should be part of the cliche. Moving forward means moving for the better. We experience a lot of movement in our lives, moving to a new job, moving to a new country, moving to married life, moving to being single once more, moving to a new apartment, moving to a new blog address, moving to Facebook (from Friendster) etc. We all move because we believe that the grass is greener on the other side. "Greener" being relative because the real assessment of it would be looking backwards from the future. Okay, I'd make it less of being another cliche by saying that we move because our gut feel tells us that we'd be happier. Happier for short term or finding bliss in the long run, depends really on the reasons we have and the prevailing circumstances we are in.
And I believe some also move for equally important and personal reasons: Because they feel limited by their current condition, a boring job, a demanding partner, a partner who is never there, a neighborhood full of don'ts, a job that demands too much time and takes them away from the really important things in life - family. I've seen already much movement in my life, and more to come - people coming and going, opportunities popping and then vanishing, money in money out, once a close friend now a distancing memory, relatives and friends migrating, friends getting married and having kids, bosses and colleagues walking in and out of my career life. These are all the changes that I go through, you go through and many others go through. We all go through these at different stages in our lives. I mean, this is it - life, as we know it to be.
Change changes us. We may not notice it but it does. We once dealt with our raging hormones, battling with our emotions as if life is a great war that must be fought fiercely with the most deadly arsenal the world has ever seen - the human will to survive. And yes it is. Our sales director asked me a month ago, "How's your stay so far? Still surviving?" He saw the smirk on my face and added, "Life is all about survival." And he walked away. I'll never know what that encounter was for. All I know is that it did happen.
That will always be there - our will to fight for survival. However, as the years go by, change will continue to change us. We are a work in progress. As we experience more out of life and as we age (with grace), we discover more about ourselves, our capabilities, our limitations, our preferences, our priorities, what pleases us, what irritates us, what's worth sacrificing for and what's not worth even fussing about. In the course of this progressive "numbing" of emotions, being insensitive is another thing, but this "mellowing" down of ones reactions is a product of our experiences. One who has wept so much would not weep as hard anymore, and can even claim that they ran out of tears and just feel nothing. Those who once laughed so hard will not be easily tickled anymore (lest they risk an asthma attack or run short of breath) In other words, we all cope. We do it, in many, many creative ways. Blogging is one of them.
We jump for joy over some great blessing from Heaven. We mourn for a deep loss. All this will pass. The ecstatic hype will mellow down, the grief will be relieved. And the days will soon be just like any other day. The system itself corrects, including this economic crisis in our midst.
We are all in it together. Just that we are fighting different battles. And the question as to why we can never just be the answer to someone's problem and they ours, is something that is extremely complex even to the genius of geniuses. If there would be any answer to it, maybe you and I would be robots... or clones. Maybe in a hundred years or more. Beam me up, Scotty!
"Change is the only constant thing in this universe."
I once thought that whoever popularized this cliche was just trying hard to be one helluva smarty pants. And in time, I've come to accept it as something that will break you if you do not yield. I can compare this with my daily MRT rides to the office. The subway train is so packed, that if you just stood stubbornly still when the train stops and the doors open, you will be pushed around and maybe stepped on if you never cared to move yourself away from harm's way - from old "auntie" who's only goal is to disembark the train against all odds.
"When a door closes, another one opens"... just make sure there is a floor on the other side lol! Was that a joke? I think that should be part of the cliche. Moving forward means moving for the better. We experience a lot of movement in our lives, moving to a new job, moving to a new country, moving to married life, moving to being single once more, moving to a new apartment, moving to a new blog address, moving to Facebook (from Friendster) etc. We all move because we believe that the grass is greener on the other side. "Greener" being relative because the real assessment of it would be looking backwards from the future. Okay, I'd make it less of being another cliche by saying that we move because our gut feel tells us that we'd be happier. Happier for short term or finding bliss in the long run, depends really on the reasons we have and the prevailing circumstances we are in.
And I believe some also move for equally important and personal reasons: Because they feel limited by their current condition, a boring job, a demanding partner, a partner who is never there, a neighborhood full of don'ts, a job that demands too much time and takes them away from the really important things in life - family. I've seen already much movement in my life, and more to come - people coming and going, opportunities popping and then vanishing, money in money out, once a close friend now a distancing memory, relatives and friends migrating, friends getting married and having kids, bosses and colleagues walking in and out of my career life. These are all the changes that I go through, you go through and many others go through. We all go through these at different stages in our lives. I mean, this is it - life, as we know it to be.
Change changes us. We may not notice it but it does. We once dealt with our raging hormones, battling with our emotions as if life is a great war that must be fought fiercely with the most deadly arsenal the world has ever seen - the human will to survive. And yes it is. Our sales director asked me a month ago, "How's your stay so far? Still surviving?" He saw the smirk on my face and added, "Life is all about survival." And he walked away. I'll never know what that encounter was for. All I know is that it did happen.
That will always be there - our will to fight for survival. However, as the years go by, change will continue to change us. We are a work in progress. As we experience more out of life and as we age (with grace), we discover more about ourselves, our capabilities, our limitations, our preferences, our priorities, what pleases us, what irritates us, what's worth sacrificing for and what's not worth even fussing about. In the course of this progressive "numbing" of emotions, being insensitive is another thing, but this "mellowing" down of ones reactions is a product of our experiences. One who has wept so much would not weep as hard anymore, and can even claim that they ran out of tears and just feel nothing. Those who once laughed so hard will not be easily tickled anymore (lest they risk an asthma attack or run short of breath) In other words, we all cope. We do it, in many, many creative ways. Blogging is one of them.
We jump for joy over some great blessing from Heaven. We mourn for a deep loss. All this will pass. The ecstatic hype will mellow down, the grief will be relieved. And the days will soon be just like any other day. The system itself corrects, including this economic crisis in our midst.
We are all in it together. Just that we are fighting different battles. And the question as to why we can never just be the answer to someone's problem and they ours, is something that is extremely complex even to the genius of geniuses. If there would be any answer to it, maybe you and I would be robots... or clones. Maybe in a hundred years or more. Beam me up, Scotty!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Late Night Movies
I'm on a roll. Tomorrow's, I mean today (it's 2AM already) is Friday already. TGIF! I've been addicted to watching movies till the wee hours of the morning, on weekDAYS! I found that it helps me cope with the workday ahead. I feel good and soothed up afterwards and it helps me sleep well thinking happy thoughts. And the lack of sleep helps me deal with work pressures by numbing my senses out. I feel less pressure. I am more tolerant, more like immune, towards impossible colleagues. And I think more clearly, which is quite the opposite of what is expected when one is buzzed out. Since working under the influence is a big no no, this is the more legal way of dealing with the isuue for the moment.
*Deleted some post below. I realized it may not be appropriate.
I'm on a roll. Tomorrow's, I mean today (it's 2AM already) is Friday already. TGIF! I've been addicted to watching movies till the wee hours of the morning, on weekDAYS! I found that it helps me cope with the workday ahead. I feel good and soothed up afterwards and it helps me sleep well thinking happy thoughts. And the lack of sleep helps me deal with work pressures by numbing my senses out. I feel less pressure. I am more tolerant, more like immune, towards impossible colleagues. And I think more clearly, which is quite the opposite of what is expected when one is buzzed out. Since working under the influence is a big no no, this is the more legal way of dealing with the isuue for the moment.
*Deleted some post below. I realized it may not be appropriate.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
KOREA
Anyeong haseyo!
I should visit Korea someday and add their flag as a badge to the list on the right.
I just came from an endurance test given to me by my crawling-turtle-of-an-internet-speed as I watched a film over www.crunchyroll.com What would have taken an hour plus took me nearly 4 hours to finish the film. And to the disappointment of my ISP's peak usage capacity of providing less than 0.1% of the 8Mbps bandwidth I am paying for, I managed to forego the feeling of being short changed simply because the film was aaabsoooluuuutelyyy worth a second viewing.
I miss watching Korean movies. Call them Koreanovelas, if there is such a word. I guess a "word" is a word if it can be Googled. Yes, that's a word too.
I find these films entertaining. I enjoy the level of humor that emerges at the least expected moment, like a thrilling, unpredictable suspense brought by a heart-stopping horror flick. And I laud the crafty manner by which the writers inject the depth and seriousness of the subject matter into the scenes while maintaining a light and bouncy cinematic experience. The films give me a good laugh as it also rocks me to my very core with its deep understanding of the human condition.
It's nearly 3AM and I am still so charged up after the film to be able to blog about it. I'll hit the sack now. It's back to reality in 6 hours.
Anyeong haseyo!
I should visit Korea someday and add their flag as a badge to the list on the right.
I just came from an endurance test given to me by my crawling-turtle-of-an-internet-speed as I watched a film over www.crunchyroll.com What would have taken an hour plus took me nearly 4 hours to finish the film. And to the disappointment of my ISP's peak usage capacity of providing less than 0.1% of the 8Mbps bandwidth I am paying for, I managed to forego the feeling of being short changed simply because the film was aaabsoooluuuutelyyy worth a second viewing.
I miss watching Korean movies. Call them Koreanovelas, if there is such a word. I guess a "word" is a word if it can be Googled. Yes, that's a word too.
I find these films entertaining. I enjoy the level of humor that emerges at the least expected moment, like a thrilling, unpredictable suspense brought by a heart-stopping horror flick. And I laud the crafty manner by which the writers inject the depth and seriousness of the subject matter into the scenes while maintaining a light and bouncy cinematic experience. The films give me a good laugh as it also rocks me to my very core with its deep understanding of the human condition.
It's nearly 3AM and I am still so charged up after the film to be able to blog about it. I'll hit the sack now. It's back to reality in 6 hours.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
More Rice Please!
I'm putting this blog back to where it was from the very beginning. I have been finding ways to cope with what has been troubling me to an extent that I had to keep this blog someplace safe so that I can just pour out and let off steam without causing undue emotional harm to visitors. Words can cut deep, even to a passerby.
Thank you dear friend for helping me clear my mind and focus on what it is I must do. We've grown so much together. Maybe that's why you know me well enough to understand how I think and what I must be going through. I am very simple really, but extremely complex to the unfamiliar.
I guess we learned a lot from my experience of seeking for peace and clarity of mind. To you, a step further into letting go. To me, the same with an extra boost knowing that sometimes we just need to make unpopular decisions.
Life is about knowing what you want, being grateful for blessings, loving others in your own fashion, and having the wisdom to know what is worth ones effort and time.
I have to go and eat more rice, but for now I'll have to go with what is familiar and hope that its unpopularity will take things to a better heading.
I'm putting this blog back to where it was from the very beginning. I have been finding ways to cope with what has been troubling me to an extent that I had to keep this blog someplace safe so that I can just pour out and let off steam without causing undue emotional harm to visitors. Words can cut deep, even to a passerby.
Thank you dear friend for helping me clear my mind and focus on what it is I must do. We've grown so much together. Maybe that's why you know me well enough to understand how I think and what I must be going through. I am very simple really, but extremely complex to the unfamiliar.
I guess we learned a lot from my experience of seeking for peace and clarity of mind. To you, a step further into letting go. To me, the same with an extra boost knowing that sometimes we just need to make unpopular decisions.
Life is about knowing what you want, being grateful for blessings, loving others in your own fashion, and having the wisdom to know what is worth ones effort and time.
I have to go and eat more rice, but for now I'll have to go with what is familiar and hope that its unpopularity will take things to a better heading.