Thanks to all those who offered prayers. Your prayers are definitely helping. Today, we visited Physics lab and we can finally capture the images we needed. We're doing overhaul of our thesis and perhaps by tomorrow, we could already adjuct to the new system. It's a serious overhaul... (translated: sayang to tanan amo gi trabaho sauna!) But it's nice to note that we no longer are facing problems. I hope that after the transition to the new system, things will turn out well. I'm in high hopes now! I just want to finish this thesis, 'coz I wanna graduate already! Lexmark Recruitment exam will be tomorrow. I've studied really hard for it and I hope I'd get the job AFTER I graduate... that is IF I graduate. I think I will, so thanks once again for your prayers. May God continue to bless you for having so much faith in Him. Till here peeps.

WHEN BEING GOOD IS BAD

My bestfriend keeps telling me "Who said life was a bed of roses?" How can he say this with utter calmness in a declarative form with a facial expression that is definitely his trademark. When is being good bad? I don't believe that being good is a bad thing. This belief of mine could potentially kill me with all the stress that comes with never-ending disappointments coming my way. It's a cross that we all must bear. But many have gone street smart and I too, honestly, am starting to incline myself to that direction. Principles are principles and they should always be kept. Don't do stupid things out of desperation and neither should you hold on to principles which "philosophically" apply but really have nothing to do with what's happening. Change what can be changed and face what cannot. And wisdom is knowing the difference between the two.

I feel it too. It's hard. It's tearing me apart. But it's a way of life. We make choices and as what Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Follow your heart, either way, you'd still be damned." Many interpretations to this for people who have different views in life. We do not know for certain what the future holds and all we can do is to live in the NOW. Being good, or being bad, it's a choice. It's a dynamic choice we take as the world's events are also dynamic. All we have is ourselves, our honor, dignity, value and worth. And may our choices preserve all those because if we lose them, we are "public static VOID" and that's when life loses its meaning.

Be it for love, it's best to be the right person for the one you love than to find the right one for you. We do not choose who we love. They choose us. We do not choose to love Christ, He chose to love us. We love and love and continue to love till we are wise to know when someone has chosen to love us. The line that binds people is not a single line that is bidirectional. It's two lines running from opposite sides. In this case, you cut one, there's still one. Cut the bidirectional one, forever is lost.

My bestfriend's friend told me the other day in her very fluent English accent, "Time is the best gift you have. It helps you make certain what it is you want and it helps you size up the big picture. In time, you'll realize that all this is too trivial. Life is too big to waste on little things such as these and time will save you from missing out on so much more." Very wise words from an 18 year-old girl. I must be growing old since I'm already starting to find the words of the young truly inspiring. Words such as these were mine ages ago and I guess the mind has worn out dry from all the things that life has brought. It clouds the view and the safest way through the clouds is a steady route... thus stubborness and fixation sets in. When is being good bad? When it clouds your judgment.

Darkness looms over our thesis. Prayers are badly needed and HELP would be more than that. It's situations like these where I wished that I should have been more assertive and more firm of my stand. When situations such as these come in, it's difficult to weigh will power against respect for authority. I'm such a sucker for the latter.

I wonder why people see this certain "aura" about me. I don't have one and even if people "see" it, they just probably dwell too much on whimsical imagination. Do I do things in a certain "special" way where it gives them the impression that I am God Almighty, that I can do the unthinkable. I am certainly no God and that's obvious. I'm just a mere mortal just like any one of you and at a snap, my life and all that I am worth could simply burn to ashes and be laid to waste in the realm of the forgotten. Why is it that people expect too much from me or from people I work with? Is this a compliment? It's a curse. It was a simple project. Find the ball, go near it and pick it up. But since Johnny has halo, wings and a lyre, he is expected to catch a ball that is hurled using two cameras... cameras that would cost 125K each to implement such an extraordinary task which the New York Yankees couldn't even perfect.

I want to graduate. i want to graduate with all my heart. I'm tired of this sh*thole I call "school". 2 more years added and I could have been a doctor with all my heart. I want to work. I want to have a business. I want to be rich. I want to be free. I want to be happy. The only thing in my way are 3 people who think that my team and I are MIT students who can create a WAM (Whole Arm Manipulator) that can catch a pingpong ball. Go to China! What's worse is that I'm also taking in crap from my teammate who can't handle the pressure. Poor her and all the effort she put into for 5 years to get a magna diploma. I can feel how heart-wrenching it would be. I need a miracle. We need a miracle. Things like these are one of those which money can't buy. Cruel damned world it is.

After tonight's work on our thesis, I can see the daylight already. I think I can graduate... I think. Just yesterday, I was already contemplating on having a summer where I'm still in school doing finishing touches on our thesis. With the February deadline, it's rather difficult to submit results in time for defense. I just hope we accomplish as much as tonight in the next succeeding days. We're already moving at full throttle, but time is once again not on our side. Why is that? Palagi na lang.... *sigh.

Till here 'coz I could barely make out the letters I'm typing.

Had fun last night with friends. Rouselle invited us to her birthday party at MoonCafe. I love the food and especially their drink named Secret. It gave me an idea that perhaps I should open a restaurant of that kind somewhere in Talamban. Plans plans and just plans... *sigh. We then headed off to Tops after dinner and the view there was breathtaking. It drizzled, but that didn't stop us from enjoying the view and enjoying each other's company. It felt good to be there with friends, especially the one who makes my heart skip a beat. Hahay... it would have been really nice to be there at Tops while we're still 'on'. Obviously, that's not the case, but still I was happy to be with her there. I don't know why I'm such a sucker for doing "heroic" deeds when a romantic opportunity is posed before me. My mind goes blank and I just do what my heart tells me to. Flowers for a girl in a romantic place, at a romantic moment but deep inside I know that the right feeling is just not there. lalalalalalala... *sigh, John. Thanks to those who helped me cherish that moment to its fullest. You know who you are.

Got to sit beside her on the edge overlooking the entire city... pointing to her the places she asked me to trace and she pointed out too where their new house will be and that it also has a view of the city. *sigh! If only my dad didn't sell our lot at Ma.Luisa, we too could have a house with that kind of a view. *sigh... enough na John 'coz you're fleeting too far from reality again. Till here na lang 'coz you still have to work on your thesis pa and that enough should make you disconnect! Till the next blog peeps.

Happy New Year to all!!! May 2005 shower in prosperity, warmth, joy and laughter to all of us! Let's make this year count!!! I see great things this year when March ends! I hope by then the greens come in rolling in a millionfold.

"Simple" wish list for 2005:
1. Start a business with a couple of friends as partners (no one got rich working for a company).
2. Have my own car... preferrably a Mercedes Benz Silver Arrow or a Ford Escape (something more "reachable") hehehe.
3. Buy a house and lot.
4. Have my bro design a house that we could call our own!
5. Have money to pay for a grand fireworks display for 2006 (since all I did was just look at the skies this 2005... hehehehe crisis!)
6. To change what can be changed and to accept what cannot be changed and to know the difference between the two. (isn't that what they call wisdom?)

Is it really simple? Not a bit, but it never hurt to dream big.... who knows diba?