Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
A Night Safari in Singapura (Lion City)
Shot taken at Esplanade, Theaters on The Bay
This was day one of a lion's wanderings in the city where eating is the favorite past time. I had my "baptism" at Makansutra Gluttons Bay, a great place to savor what Lasang Singapura is all about. Satay, Roti Prata, Laksa, Otah, Bandung, Kachang, these are among a few of the unique tastes of Singapore. Wondering why I began my first blog in S'pore with a tale from the palate? Well, the food is what I like best in here. And since eating is their favorite past time, then I must say I am really having a great time here!
This upcoming weekend, I shall get back once more to my "tourist mode". It's been more than a month now and I have spent most of my time (well aside from eating) settling down, familiarizing myself with relatively small country/city, getting to know the way of life and the pace at which life runs in this cosmopolitan city. I am looking forward to seeing more places and tagging along my camera with me for photos to share to those I miss dearly.
Yes, I am doing well here. I will write soon to share more of my adventures.
I'll end this post with this new template I've created: something vibrant, inspiring, and somehow supportive of the prevalent drive to save Mother Earth; just like the clean slate I am starting off with. Someone once told me that 300K is too cheap a price to get a new life. Luckily, I got this one FREE by grace from up above.
Shot taken at Esplanade, Theaters on The Bay
This was day one of a lion's wanderings in the city where eating is the favorite past time. I had my "baptism" at Makansutra Gluttons Bay, a great place to savor what Lasang Singapura is all about. Satay, Roti Prata, Laksa, Otah, Bandung, Kachang, these are among a few of the unique tastes of Singapore. Wondering why I began my first blog in S'pore with a tale from the palate? Well, the food is what I like best in here. And since eating is their favorite past time, then I must say I am really having a great time here!
This upcoming weekend, I shall get back once more to my "tourist mode". It's been more than a month now and I have spent most of my time (well aside from eating) settling down, familiarizing myself with relatively small country/city, getting to know the way of life and the pace at which life runs in this cosmopolitan city. I am looking forward to seeing more places and tagging along my camera with me for photos to share to those I miss dearly.
Yes, I am doing well here. I will write soon to share more of my adventures.
I'll end this post with this new template I've created: something vibrant, inspiring, and somehow supportive of the prevalent drive to save Mother Earth; just like the clean slate I am starting off with. Someone once told me that 300K is too cheap a price to get a new life. Luckily, I got this one FREE by grace from up above.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
12
I'd been wanting to blog this but didn't have much courage to do so till now.
I am leaving in 12 days. Armed with just my guts and dreams for a brighter future, I am moving to the Lion City to experience new challenges and to put my survival skills to the test. It's part of growing up and I need to do this.
I will surely miss my family, friends and the people I've worked with for a few years now.
The days to come will most likely define how well I draw this chapter to a close; to begin a new one with hopes that it will be interesting too... wishing that maybe it could be even more.
I'd been wanting to blog this but didn't have much courage to do so till now.
I am leaving in 12 days. Armed with just my guts and dreams for a brighter future, I am moving to the Lion City to experience new challenges and to put my survival skills to the test. It's part of growing up and I need to do this.
I will surely miss my family, friends and the people I've worked with for a few years now.
The days to come will most likely define how well I draw this chapter to a close; to begin a new one with hopes that it will be interesting too... wishing that maybe it could be even more.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
QUESTIONS OF FATE
I know what you must be saying, "Why question fate? It's fate afterall." Yes, you are right! But for the sake of ruffling things up, I will question it nonetheless.
It's now September. BER months are here once more. I can recall it was April when I wanted it to be August. And now September is slowly creeping to its end.
It's been a straight road lately with barely any humps and bumps. This goes without saying that it is not my intent to find trouble or find reasons to rock the boat. Yet, almost everything is moving too slowly with time being the only exception to it. At times I question whether I'm wasting much of my precious youth's time... or whether I am too afraid to take risks that may take things to formula one speeds that I could barely handle... or better yet, I simply am oblivious to a better world for me... or worse, I am simply ungrateful of the blessings I have.
Questions of fate... questions like "What matters most to me at the moment?", "What should I do to meet the long term goals without missing the joys of pursuing the short term goals?", "Should I stay? or take that offer? or work for the family business? or get myself one that is my own?"
I've done my prayers seeking for guidance and most of all I've spent some time to think deep and discern what the Plan really is. Often it gets only more complicated, thus I take a step back and say "Live life as it comes by. Just one day at a time and you'll know what to do and you'll know where it leads you to... soon." And when I do, the message that comes back is, "Enjoy today as it is only the piece you have from the plan that is destined for you."
Profound yet vague. Perhaps I can live with that.
I know what you must be saying, "Why question fate? It's fate afterall." Yes, you are right! But for the sake of ruffling things up, I will question it nonetheless.
It's now September. BER months are here once more. I can recall it was April when I wanted it to be August. And now September is slowly creeping to its end.
It's been a straight road lately with barely any humps and bumps. This goes without saying that it is not my intent to find trouble or find reasons to rock the boat. Yet, almost everything is moving too slowly with time being the only exception to it. At times I question whether I'm wasting much of my precious youth's time... or whether I am too afraid to take risks that may take things to formula one speeds that I could barely handle... or better yet, I simply am oblivious to a better world for me... or worse, I am simply ungrateful of the blessings I have.
Questions of fate... questions like "What matters most to me at the moment?", "What should I do to meet the long term goals without missing the joys of pursuing the short term goals?", "Should I stay? or take that offer? or work for the family business? or get myself one that is my own?"
I've done my prayers seeking for guidance and most of all I've spent some time to think deep and discern what the Plan really is. Often it gets only more complicated, thus I take a step back and say "Live life as it comes by. Just one day at a time and you'll know what to do and you'll know where it leads you to... soon." And when I do, the message that comes back is, "Enjoy today as it is only the piece you have from the plan that is destined for you."
Profound yet vague. Perhaps I can live with that.
Friday, August 31, 2007
CONTEMPLATING FLIGHT
The horizon is on the rise. And the sun has graced the amber sky once more; raising its rays over the mountaintops like a champion reaching for his final grasp on Everest's apse. The tides have ebbed and there lies a vast shore of glistening rock. The wind says its final frozen whispers. Soon the sun will be high up in its majestic throne. There's no hint of green as all are in purple aura and blue mist. It is a unique sunrise unfolding on the land where I once witnessed the sun rise for the very first time.
An avian soars high on the Artist's canvass, amidst brushtrokes and daubs of cotton. How great the view must be up there, much more relish the tranquil bliss of such expanse. Yet I am but an adventurer with footprints on the sand and a staff that shall lead me to places for a thousand steps more. I take a deep breath to enjoy this sunrise as it may never be the same again tomorrow. After all everyday is a new day.
My loafers have gone far; walked on coal and ashes, broke rocks and twigs, snails and serpents ne'er amiss. They tell of a tale of disuse yet when placed side by side with another's, it seems they had seen better days.
Ahead, there's nothing but Poseidon's realm. And as this sun rises once more, there lies ahead a foggy path that these loafers have yet another tale to tell. It is an adventure, one that's for the taking, one that requires courage yet discernment for the wise. The dearest things in life are but a shadow to the impulsive and a few have succumbed to a fall for losing such gems. In the land of the living, there are no echoes and wails of regret. Only scars and photographs to tell the tale of what was once a great adventure.
The horizon is on the rise. And the sun has graced the amber sky once more; raising its rays over the mountaintops like a champion reaching for his final grasp on Everest's apse. The tides have ebbed and there lies a vast shore of glistening rock. The wind says its final frozen whispers. Soon the sun will be high up in its majestic throne. There's no hint of green as all are in purple aura and blue mist. It is a unique sunrise unfolding on the land where I once witnessed the sun rise for the very first time.
An avian soars high on the Artist's canvass, amidst brushtrokes and daubs of cotton. How great the view must be up there, much more relish the tranquil bliss of such expanse. Yet I am but an adventurer with footprints on the sand and a staff that shall lead me to places for a thousand steps more. I take a deep breath to enjoy this sunrise as it may never be the same again tomorrow. After all everyday is a new day.
My loafers have gone far; walked on coal and ashes, broke rocks and twigs, snails and serpents ne'er amiss. They tell of a tale of disuse yet when placed side by side with another's, it seems they had seen better days.
Ahead, there's nothing but Poseidon's realm. And as this sun rises once more, there lies ahead a foggy path that these loafers have yet another tale to tell. It is an adventure, one that's for the taking, one that requires courage yet discernment for the wise. The dearest things in life are but a shadow to the impulsive and a few have succumbed to a fall for losing such gems. In the land of the living, there are no echoes and wails of regret. Only scars and photographs to tell the tale of what was once a great adventure.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
TAKING A GLANCE TO THE PAST
I know that many of you have stumbled on surveys that ask you a bunch of questions that yield results on just about anything ranging from your personality, your real age, to "what color are you?" ummm... say that again?
Well I chanced upon this survey that asks you a bunch of questions that makes you draw a comparison between who you are today and the ghost that was you 5 years ago. Lemme see how that went.
Freedom was something I desperately wanted. Today, "what was that I wanted... oh freedom? Define freedom." The definition of freedom 5 years ago is something that I now enjoy, except that I don't know what to do with it. Or maybe I just don't know how or what to do with it.
Amassing wealth is one thing. Enjoying every penny is another thing. Spending 30K on an iPhone will make me happy, seriously... for a month or so... and then I'd kick myself around town for spending a fortune on a device that makes calls, sends SMS, plays music, and can surf the internet. Steve Jobs would tell me it is the best buy and a must grab. Good that it comes 2008 still so I have yet to see whether wealth buys happiness. Y'all can debate over that one.
Friendships aplenty. People come and go. Even the best of friends go astray for the worst of reasons. And more often than not, only one thing causes it. And it's not a common object of affection contrary to common belief. But I'm not saying either that it can't happen. They say the poorest man is one who has no friends. Did my wish come true? More importantly, was I insane to wish such? Perhaps, coz it felt like Bill Gates suddenly went beggin' n d streets. Few close friends than a zillion acquaintances, definitely.
Healthwise... never been better. I never imagine I could grow fat with the metabolism I have. Double-decked quarterpounder with cheese, upsized fries and drink-all-you-can soda... buuurrrRRRp! Guess what, I'm doing sit-ups and crunches and sidebends to lose 'em love handles.
And one last thing, this place is getting smaller that it is choking me. I'd like to be an escape artist someday. One that pulls just one but legendary act. Awe inspiring isn't it!
I know that many of you have stumbled on surveys that ask you a bunch of questions that yield results on just about anything ranging from your personality, your real age, to "what color are you?" ummm... say that again?
Well I chanced upon this survey that asks you a bunch of questions that makes you draw a comparison between who you are today and the ghost that was you 5 years ago. Lemme see how that went.
Freedom was something I desperately wanted. Today, "what was that I wanted... oh freedom? Define freedom." The definition of freedom 5 years ago is something that I now enjoy, except that I don't know what to do with it. Or maybe I just don't know how or what to do with it.
Amassing wealth is one thing. Enjoying every penny is another thing. Spending 30K on an iPhone will make me happy, seriously... for a month or so... and then I'd kick myself around town for spending a fortune on a device that makes calls, sends SMS, plays music, and can surf the internet. Steve Jobs would tell me it is the best buy and a must grab. Good that it comes 2008 still so I have yet to see whether wealth buys happiness. Y'all can debate over that one.
Friendships aplenty. People come and go. Even the best of friends go astray for the worst of reasons. And more often than not, only one thing causes it. And it's not a common object of affection contrary to common belief. But I'm not saying either that it can't happen. They say the poorest man is one who has no friends. Did my wish come true? More importantly, was I insane to wish such? Perhaps, coz it felt like Bill Gates suddenly went beggin' n d streets. Few close friends than a zillion acquaintances, definitely.
Healthwise... never been better. I never imagine I could grow fat with the metabolism I have. Double-decked quarterpounder with cheese, upsized fries and drink-all-you-can soda... buuurrrRRRp! Guess what, I'm doing sit-ups and crunches and sidebends to lose 'em love handles.
And one last thing, this place is getting smaller that it is choking me. I'd like to be an escape artist someday. One that pulls just one but legendary act. Awe inspiring isn't it!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
PUEDO ESCRIBIR
Pablo Neruda
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Escribir, por ejemplo: 'La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos.'
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.
Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oir la noche inmensa, más inmnesa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.
Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guadarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.
Pablo Neruda
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Escribir, por ejemplo: 'La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos.'
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.
Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oir la noche inmensa, más inmnesa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.
Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guadarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
TO DROP SOMETHING FRAGILE WITHOUT BREAKING IT
One thing I've come to embrace is that anything that causes worry, headache, pain, suffering et al takes too much resources both time, effort, money and emotion. And in this world where these resources are scarce, it is but right to live life knowing that not all things are worth it. Not all things can be solved in time or none at all even. Genuine people do things genuinely without plan to test others patience or to see a glimpse of how someone would react. Sorry, I do not share the optimists view of a world full of "tests" and "challenges" that are done with good purpose. I just am a WYSIWYG person.
So I'd say goodbye to all these negativities, to just DROP it, to cut the drama, to quit the needless conversations that pass through the left into the right ('coz everyone seems to care only of good news), to push away those that can't value respect, friendship and "the years". To err is human and yes, friends are like wine. But it is noteworthy that though how aged a bottle of wine is, if it is left open, it rots like hell worst than vinegar. It doesn't take a wine connoisseur to know that. Life's too precious at this moment to chase things that keep running. I have a life too ahead of me and I know others won't stop to aid me along the way. Let's live life without bitterness, 'coz we all had our chances. And seldom do we all get the privilege of second chances. A third would be a stroke of luck.
One thing I've come to embrace is that anything that causes worry, headache, pain, suffering et al takes too much resources both time, effort, money and emotion. And in this world where these resources are scarce, it is but right to live life knowing that not all things are worth it. Not all things can be solved in time or none at all even. Genuine people do things genuinely without plan to test others patience or to see a glimpse of how someone would react. Sorry, I do not share the optimists view of a world full of "tests" and "challenges" that are done with good purpose. I just am a WYSIWYG person.
So I'd say goodbye to all these negativities, to just DROP it, to cut the drama, to quit the needless conversations that pass through the left into the right ('coz everyone seems to care only of good news), to push away those that can't value respect, friendship and "the years". To err is human and yes, friends are like wine. But it is noteworthy that though how aged a bottle of wine is, if it is left open, it rots like hell worst than vinegar. It doesn't take a wine connoisseur to know that. Life's too precious at this moment to chase things that keep running. I have a life too ahead of me and I know others won't stop to aid me along the way. Let's live life without bitterness, 'coz we all had our chances. And seldom do we all get the privilege of second chances. A third would be a stroke of luck.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
BEHIND ENEMY LINES
Crossing enemy lines requires a substantial amount of firepower, influence as well as intelligent information. I rarely cross those lines, close to none at all. Yet I now find myself behind one. I am standing still at friendly territory yet someone just drew the line past me as if the enemy claimed more land without any sight of battle. Stealthy moves perhaps got past me and got me to gunfire.
Question is: Will you "shoot" back at a traitor? What if you've been friends for more than 15 years and you've got a good and lasting friendship till you found out his treacherous act? Would you go to confrontation mode despite constant denial from the other side and his recent and constant avoidance? Would you rationalize what made him do what he did? Or would you take a step back and see where he ends up with his plot? Would you distance away and take things as though it was bound to happen sometime in the future so might as well know as early as now?
All I know is that a friend is no good if he can do things to hurt the relationship... much more do nothing to make the other side understand or at least be aware of his reasons. Valuing friendships is one thing, but somehow not all put friendships that high compared to their other priorities. Understanding him and going on with my life would be the imperative road to take. There's no point keeping a friend if he doesn't value the friendship I'd like to keep. Understanding is one thing and forgiveness is another... and I just don't have those two cards to spare.
I'll pave the runway for him and I think he needs it more than I do. Whatever is meant to happen will happen and all is in God's grace.
Crossing enemy lines requires a substantial amount of firepower, influence as well as intelligent information. I rarely cross those lines, close to none at all. Yet I now find myself behind one. I am standing still at friendly territory yet someone just drew the line past me as if the enemy claimed more land without any sight of battle. Stealthy moves perhaps got past me and got me to gunfire.
Question is: Will you "shoot" back at a traitor? What if you've been friends for more than 15 years and you've got a good and lasting friendship till you found out his treacherous act? Would you go to confrontation mode despite constant denial from the other side and his recent and constant avoidance? Would you rationalize what made him do what he did? Or would you take a step back and see where he ends up with his plot? Would you distance away and take things as though it was bound to happen sometime in the future so might as well know as early as now?
All I know is that a friend is no good if he can do things to hurt the relationship... much more do nothing to make the other side understand or at least be aware of his reasons. Valuing friendships is one thing, but somehow not all put friendships that high compared to their other priorities. Understanding him and going on with my life would be the imperative road to take. There's no point keeping a friend if he doesn't value the friendship I'd like to keep. Understanding is one thing and forgiveness is another... and I just don't have those two cards to spare.
I'll pave the runway for him and I think he needs it more than I do. Whatever is meant to happen will happen and all is in God's grace.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Break Me O Lord
I just had to post this. I'm really hurting much for the choices I've made and the road that I've taken because of the compelling reasons I have that led to such decisions. I no longer know what I've become and must have learned to love myself with all that I am and all that I've got. I.
It's amazing how much life has broken me to pieces and I somehow emerge stronger yet cold, unfeeling and insensitive. I'm just confused how the Lord God permits this and continually breaks me to be stronger... and yet with each growing strength, I am broken over and over again to the ebbs of existence. So break me O Lord and make me not weary of it coz I am. Spare my clouded mind from the anxiety of what I'll become in the end of it all. I am not the keeper of the glue afterall.
I just had to post this. I'm really hurting much for the choices I've made and the road that I've taken because of the compelling reasons I have that led to such decisions. I no longer know what I've become and must have learned to love myself with all that I am and all that I've got. I.
It's amazing how much life has broken me to pieces and I somehow emerge stronger yet cold, unfeeling and insensitive. I'm just confused how the Lord God permits this and continually breaks me to be stronger... and yet with each growing strength, I am broken over and over again to the ebbs of existence. So break me O Lord and make me not weary of it coz I am. Spare my clouded mind from the anxiety of what I'll become in the end of it all. I am not the keeper of the glue afterall.
The Cost of Seeking the Truth
What is it with knowing the truth that lures my mind to do things to seek it at costs that are at times beyond reason? Knowing the truth and intent of people's actions and words is just sometimes beyond me and I know that there are limits that I can't cross and are just not worth pursuing... because they are just not supposed to be figured out as normal people would given the same conditions.
Why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that people can say and do things just to please or to make me hear what I wanna hear but not necessarily what they mean? I need to read between the lines but sometimes I'm just tired of having to. It's just difficult to know when to and when not to. I guess people are just not accustomed to saying something that might hurt someone or cause others to think different of them. I should know better that not everything is transparent and not everything seems the way it is. Maybe I can take a cue from that and see if it improves with how I can connect with others... and also how they can connect with me once more. A lot have said (even my family said it too) that I've changed a lot in so little time and it's been painstakingly hard to connect with me. I'm clueless as to what makes them say so. They just can't assume that I know everything coz I am almost always unaware of what I'm doing. I just thought now that if I am confused myself, I could just imagine how confused they probably are. I can only hope for enlightenment and understanding.
I spoke of the Seven in my previous post and it's been disheartening to know that some just can't say that they felt different about the things I have done or have said. And despite my care and choice of words in my vocabulary, I realized I still have miles to go before getting my messages and intents out correctly. On the other part, I'm glad that one of them had the courage to relay to me almost everything that I should know even though he thinks that I might feel bad about it. I guess he shares with me this personality of mine that if something unpleasant needs to be told, then it should be relayed to the persons affected hoping that such transparency will resolve the problem in a better way. There is just no point in suffering in silence and having the people concerned run thoughts in their mind based on information that was misunderstood. In one way or the other, our minds process what we perceive through our senses... and if such perception is not what it truly is then the result of such processing can lead somewhere that is far off from had the perception been right.
I'm now battling keeping the friendships I've cultivated with some of them. It has never been my intent to break the 7 or break off from the 7. It just makes the friendship through the years meaningless. It's never easy doing any of it. I'm hoping and praying not for forgiveness but for understanding. In friendships, I believe we have to understand our friends' priorities in life and what means a lot to them. Part of it is respecting what is important to them and working around that premise. Things change as the friendships grow and in time we will all be living in separate worlds with families of our own and priorities would have changed by then. I'm also thinking of mine because it worries me too that unless bonds are kept and mutual respect is given, I doubt that in time we will indeed live in distant worlds with just memories to tie us back to a wonderful past that sad to say hasn't lived long enough to reach the present. There is no need for forgiveness to be given or asked. There are no sorries but just I-Understands. I've seen something like this happen once before... not even of my own doing... and at that point I did nothing for fear that I might get sucked in. I guess it is true that the only way for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. I'm glad one of us is doing something and I am very much willing to fight in that cause. Silence is overrated but at times I realize that shutting up when you have nothing good to say proves to be a better option. But keeping a thorn in the heart proves fatal and must be let out. If that can't be understood then all I can do is understand that the friendship hasn't matured that much and not all things are perfect the way we hope for. We can only have what is given and it is up for us to find grace in it.
Price of knowing the truth? More unsolved questions, secrecy, mystery, time, money, headaches, late nights, hurt, guilt, disappointment, broken ties, ditched memories, reminiscing. And despite all that, everything moves forward and if handled well, we all come through stronger, more understanding and stronger bonds are made. I hope our out-of-town trip for this long weekend will do more good than the money we will be spending for it.
What is it with knowing the truth that lures my mind to do things to seek it at costs that are at times beyond reason? Knowing the truth and intent of people's actions and words is just sometimes beyond me and I know that there are limits that I can't cross and are just not worth pursuing... because they are just not supposed to be figured out as normal people would given the same conditions.
Why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that people can say and do things just to please or to make me hear what I wanna hear but not necessarily what they mean? I need to read between the lines but sometimes I'm just tired of having to. It's just difficult to know when to and when not to. I guess people are just not accustomed to saying something that might hurt someone or cause others to think different of them. I should know better that not everything is transparent and not everything seems the way it is. Maybe I can take a cue from that and see if it improves with how I can connect with others... and also how they can connect with me once more. A lot have said (even my family said it too) that I've changed a lot in so little time and it's been painstakingly hard to connect with me. I'm clueless as to what makes them say so. They just can't assume that I know everything coz I am almost always unaware of what I'm doing. I just thought now that if I am confused myself, I could just imagine how confused they probably are. I can only hope for enlightenment and understanding.
I spoke of the Seven in my previous post and it's been disheartening to know that some just can't say that they felt different about the things I have done or have said. And despite my care and choice of words in my vocabulary, I realized I still have miles to go before getting my messages and intents out correctly. On the other part, I'm glad that one of them had the courage to relay to me almost everything that I should know even though he thinks that I might feel bad about it. I guess he shares with me this personality of mine that if something unpleasant needs to be told, then it should be relayed to the persons affected hoping that such transparency will resolve the problem in a better way. There is just no point in suffering in silence and having the people concerned run thoughts in their mind based on information that was misunderstood. In one way or the other, our minds process what we perceive through our senses... and if such perception is not what it truly is then the result of such processing can lead somewhere that is far off from had the perception been right.
I'm now battling keeping the friendships I've cultivated with some of them. It has never been my intent to break the 7 or break off from the 7. It just makes the friendship through the years meaningless. It's never easy doing any of it. I'm hoping and praying not for forgiveness but for understanding. In friendships, I believe we have to understand our friends' priorities in life and what means a lot to them. Part of it is respecting what is important to them and working around that premise. Things change as the friendships grow and in time we will all be living in separate worlds with families of our own and priorities would have changed by then. I'm also thinking of mine because it worries me too that unless bonds are kept and mutual respect is given, I doubt that in time we will indeed live in distant worlds with just memories to tie us back to a wonderful past that sad to say hasn't lived long enough to reach the present. There is no need for forgiveness to be given or asked. There are no sorries but just I-Understands. I've seen something like this happen once before... not even of my own doing... and at that point I did nothing for fear that I might get sucked in. I guess it is true that the only way for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. I'm glad one of us is doing something and I am very much willing to fight in that cause. Silence is overrated but at times I realize that shutting up when you have nothing good to say proves to be a better option. But keeping a thorn in the heart proves fatal and must be let out. If that can't be understood then all I can do is understand that the friendship hasn't matured that much and not all things are perfect the way we hope for. We can only have what is given and it is up for us to find grace in it.
Price of knowing the truth? More unsolved questions, secrecy, mystery, time, money, headaches, late nights, hurt, guilt, disappointment, broken ties, ditched memories, reminiscing. And despite all that, everything moves forward and if handled well, we all come through stronger, more understanding and stronger bonds are made. I hope our out-of-town trip for this long weekend will do more good than the money we will be spending for it.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
SEVEN
We are a bunch of friends who started out as kids being classmates since kindergarten. And as years went by, new ones came in and left and then came back and left and came back. Basically, we met and had our own groups and then met again for other purposes. Most of us were really good friends with common interests and fields of expertise. We were groupmates in several projects, sleepless for those nights of filming our own rendition of Noli Me Tangere. And most of us had occupied the honor's class consistently year-to-year. Then college came and we were separated by opportunities, by interests and by land. 3 finished AdMU. 4 finished USC with I a blend of both.
It's quite an amazing story of how we all came to be. We simply just didn't know how it all started. Some would say playing Magic once more glued us back. Some would say job hunting did it. Some would say the Homecoming of 2005 did it. I'd say, I just hang out quite a lot at POD5 ever since I got back from KY and thus connected with the AdMU peeps.
I guess I've never written about them or made mention to any one of them here in my blog. So I thought, tonight, I'd like to pay tribute to the 6 of them who have made life very colorful for as long as I have known them. Next to my family, these are my most treasured gems.
We are a bunch of friends who started out as kids being classmates since kindergarten. And as years went by, new ones came in and left and then came back and left and came back. Basically, we met and had our own groups and then met again for other purposes. Most of us were really good friends with common interests and fields of expertise. We were groupmates in several projects, sleepless for those nights of filming our own rendition of Noli Me Tangere. And most of us had occupied the honor's class consistently year-to-year. Then college came and we were separated by opportunities, by interests and by land. 3 finished AdMU. 4 finished USC with I a blend of both.
It's quite an amazing story of how we all came to be. We simply just didn't know how it all started. Some would say playing Magic once more glued us back. Some would say job hunting did it. Some would say the Homecoming of 2005 did it. I'd say, I just hang out quite a lot at POD5 ever since I got back from KY and thus connected with the AdMU peeps.
I guess I've never written about them or made mention to any one of them here in my blog. So I thought, tonight, I'd like to pay tribute to the 6 of them who have made life very colorful for as long as I have known them. Next to my family, these are my most treasured gems.
Monday, May 14, 2007
ANGELS AMONGST US
In this dog eat dog world, there are still quite a few of them, I should say. I'm trying to understand this habit of mine whereby I question the intentions of people's words and actions. People have a term for it, but let's save it for them to coin me such. I think I read too much of an article regarding body language. In my quest to enhance my skill of effectively communicating both verbally and non-verbally, I've been extensively surfing the internet for articles pertaining to dealing with unpleasant or awkward situations. making unpopular decisions, etc and given those cases, how to communicate something properly, politely and respectfully, without losing the very essence of the message. Sometimes, it is just in the choice of words or in the manner with which a message is delivered. How to get the message across without ruffling emotions or having the intent misunderstood is my goal. I need this for the office, as well as with the world outside of it.
And in this quest of mine, I've recognized those individuals whom I'd like to call Angels. They simply do good things with kindness and generosity as their only intent. And from the stats, most of them are those whom have been blessed a lot in life and as such are more inclined to be more generous with the overflowing pot of blessings. It's truly a sight to behold. I guess being still at the receiving end of it, I am still milestones away from reaching that condition.
In this dog eat dog world, there are still quite a few of them, I should say. I'm trying to understand this habit of mine whereby I question the intentions of people's words and actions. People have a term for it, but let's save it for them to coin me such. I think I read too much of an article regarding body language. In my quest to enhance my skill of effectively communicating both verbally and non-verbally, I've been extensively surfing the internet for articles pertaining to dealing with unpleasant or awkward situations. making unpopular decisions, etc and given those cases, how to communicate something properly, politely and respectfully, without losing the very essence of the message. Sometimes, it is just in the choice of words or in the manner with which a message is delivered. How to get the message across without ruffling emotions or having the intent misunderstood is my goal. I need this for the office, as well as with the world outside of it.
And in this quest of mine, I've recognized those individuals whom I'd like to call Angels. They simply do good things with kindness and generosity as their only intent. And from the stats, most of them are those whom have been blessed a lot in life and as such are more inclined to be more generous with the overflowing pot of blessings. It's truly a sight to behold. I guess being still at the receiving end of it, I am still milestones away from reaching that condition.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
BEING PREPARED
Nothing else brings me more comfort than this. I believe and have to admit that being prepared for almost anything reduces the amount of happiness I could ever have at the palm of my hands. Yet, I have embraced the ideology that too much of anything is not good. I'm trying desperately hard to balance things and do away with the extremes to which I have been so accustomed to by natural force - extremes to which I was uberly blessed or inversely cursed beyond prayers. I've seen time and again that extremes on one side could never have existed without extremes on the other. I've come to appreciate bits and pieces of every experience that comes my way... to take baby steps so to speak. Though I don't get as much joy as I used to have when I lived with reckless abandon, I've also been able to cope gracefully with the extremes on the negative front.
I believe this has been my way of not having to learn the adage, "Patience is a virtue," the hard way. There's always a simple path to take to make life a little bit more less complicated. It has been comforting to be able to categorize bliss and misery as time-bound. Every day is a new opportunity to make it better than yesterday, every minute and every second, a chance to raise the bar a notch closer to achieving a life well lived.
Nothing else brings me more comfort than this. I believe and have to admit that being prepared for almost anything reduces the amount of happiness I could ever have at the palm of my hands. Yet, I have embraced the ideology that too much of anything is not good. I'm trying desperately hard to balance things and do away with the extremes to which I have been so accustomed to by natural force - extremes to which I was uberly blessed or inversely cursed beyond prayers. I've seen time and again that extremes on one side could never have existed without extremes on the other. I've come to appreciate bits and pieces of every experience that comes my way... to take baby steps so to speak. Though I don't get as much joy as I used to have when I lived with reckless abandon, I've also been able to cope gracefully with the extremes on the negative front.
I believe this has been my way of not having to learn the adage, "Patience is a virtue," the hard way. There's always a simple path to take to make life a little bit more less complicated. It has been comforting to be able to categorize bliss and misery as time-bound. Every day is a new opportunity to make it better than yesterday, every minute and every second, a chance to raise the bar a notch closer to achieving a life well lived.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO
I think it is not being selfish to seek out the things and opportunities that bring joy to ones life. We owe it to our selves. We have but one life to live. We are unique. We have our own preferences and priorities. Making decisions that weed out experiences, choices and individuals for that matter, that complicate life and make happiness more elusive is an affirmation of ones self respect as well as ones self worth. It is, however, important to consider others (their welfare and their being) in our decisions. Yet, one must bear in mind that we make our own decisions after careful examination of the conditions. It would be very difficult to base decisions on others without considering if we have in fact already neglected our own selves. That's the worst that can happen. Selflessness is for those who can afford to be... for those who can take it without regret... for it is indeed rare to find humans who seek nothing out of their own worth and generosity. At some point, someone is bound to take count. Others are doing the same... some are just more transparent about it than the rest.
We all seek happiness. And in my experiences as well as in my knowledge of the experiences of my fellow human beings, I have found some profound reason as to why we do what we all do. We all want to be understood... to share and belong... to speak and also be heard... to care and be cared for... to love and be loved... to contribute and be acknowledged for it... and most importantly, to amount to something more than just matter (anything that occupies space and has weight).
I think it is not being selfish to seek out the things and opportunities that bring joy to ones life. We owe it to our selves. We have but one life to live. We are unique. We have our own preferences and priorities. Making decisions that weed out experiences, choices and individuals for that matter, that complicate life and make happiness more elusive is an affirmation of ones self respect as well as ones self worth. It is, however, important to consider others (their welfare and their being) in our decisions. Yet, one must bear in mind that we make our own decisions after careful examination of the conditions. It would be very difficult to base decisions on others without considering if we have in fact already neglected our own selves. That's the worst that can happen. Selflessness is for those who can afford to be... for those who can take it without regret... for it is indeed rare to find humans who seek nothing out of their own worth and generosity. At some point, someone is bound to take count. Others are doing the same... some are just more transparent about it than the rest.
We all seek happiness. And in my experiences as well as in my knowledge of the experiences of my fellow human beings, I have found some profound reason as to why we do what we all do. We all want to be understood... to share and belong... to speak and also be heard... to care and be cared for... to love and be loved... to contribute and be acknowledged for it... and most importantly, to amount to something more than just matter (anything that occupies space and has weight).
Saturday, April 14, 2007
EASTER ESCAPADE
I had second thoughts writing this for fear of jinxing it. Nonetheless, I've viewed it as a way of acknowledging the blessing and being appreciative of it. Thus, it merits being logged here... afterall it is my blog.
Black Saturday: I spent it at the Hilton with Omid and his family. Food was great... loved being at the beach and getting myself burned. I just love the combination of iPod + beach + sexy chix on the beach. Simply, euphoric! Anyway, had a great swim (I do need the exercise to flat out that growing belly) and also I had a good time playing with my bro on the sand (I could recall really playing with him was like a decade ago!) Since he didn't know how to play volleyball, we transformed the sport to soccer. Imagine kicking the ball with sand splashing to your face! Good thing I have my shades for safety.
And then, like flash of lightning, my hischool barkada texted that we will be going to Sumilon the next day. It was 3:00PM and we were to camp out at a friend's place at 10PM and leave 4AM that upcoming dawn. Red alert! Scramble! Went home at 7 and got scolded for deciding on short notice (I think all of us got a piece from our rentz) and for not literally asking permission (I was just saying that I will go and expected a YES... Darn the short notice! I felt bad about it but I can't do anything to make the short notice any bit longer. it goes with my rule that I can change only what I can.) Well, just have to take it and acknowledge that I may make unpopular decisions at the spur of the moment, but have to recognize the fact that I am mature enough to take good care of myself amidst also good company. That is part of growing up and that I definitely embrace. So I packed and went. I was grumbling inside and feeling guilty but I know for a fact that it will just be taken as it is and it will die down the moment I will be back (and indeed it did!)
We were 10 all in all... was expecting just 8 but apparently my friend's GF brought along her cousins as mandatory chaperones considering the size of our group. So we took the Ceres bus to the South and in 3 hours we reached Oslob. It was quite an achievement for me. It's quite odd that I have toured over 10 US cities and I haven't even trekked Cebu beyond the cities of Cebu, Mandaue and Lapu-lapu. I took lots of photos as I always do for my trips.
Sumilon is an island off Cebu. Took a short 10 minute boat ride from the Sumilon Resort's dock at Oslob and we landed at the island itself. We went kayaking, swimming in the rough rapids as early as 8AM. Took photos and had buffet lunch all 10 of us plus some other people who were in the resort. Food wasn't as I hoped for considering the PhP1,200 we EACH spent for the resort package. Nonetheless, I took it as an escape from all that office work... and from all of reality and the fee wouldn't be that much of an issue. Like I said, it was an escape... escapade.
In the afternoon, we swam in the infinity pool. I took some photos where we sat by the gutter... upper body background was the sea and lower body backdrop was the pool. Magnificent! From the pool, I could see the Southern tip of Cebu province. So serene, peaceful and utterly simple - mountains, trees, banana trees, huts, simple homes... ergo, the laidback simple life that I've always wanted. 20 years from now John... hopefully!
After swimming, I practically ran out of things to do. It was just blazing hot and my sunburn just can't take more sunbeam (take note it's my 2nd day of being at the beach) So we went to the gazebo resto with a pool table and happened to find a mahjong set. Awesome! We undoubtedly burned the whole afternoon just playing mahjong. We had so much fun playing it, I felt stupid playing mahjong when I should have been squeezing every bit of the beach experience. But spending time with my friends, slash, trip buddies was the essence that completes my brief day's-worth of escape from reality.
And then... I got to talking with one of Angie's cousins. We enjoyed playing mahjong such that we talked a lot and realized we were in the same industry, I.T., and as of the moment, working right across the street from where I conduct my daily duties. She was very soft-spoken yet was always generous with her thoughts - interesting and sharp witted. I can already sense that first arrow approaching me like a mile away.
It was time to catch the bus home. We left dock at 4 only to find out that buses on the Cebu shore were so full that we had to take whatever bus that could still accommodate all 10 of us. We left 5:30 and settled for a non-aircon bus. I couldn't sleep in the bus like most of my buddies did since the driver's behavior was way beyond my safety standards. Well, for what it's worth I'm here in one piece blogging in the wee hours of the morning.
It's almost a week from that brief vacation and I just got to write this thanks to reality's way of taking control of my life. I do need to get myself a real life. A very real one at that. And hopefully, God-willing and with prayers, this lady would be that someone I've always wished for. And like I've realized in a year or two, the treasures in life are the people who are capable of giving appreciation as well as being magnanimous enough to be on its receiving end.
I had second thoughts writing this for fear of jinxing it. Nonetheless, I've viewed it as a way of acknowledging the blessing and being appreciative of it. Thus, it merits being logged here... afterall it is my blog.
Black Saturday: I spent it at the Hilton with Omid and his family. Food was great... loved being at the beach and getting myself burned. I just love the combination of iPod + beach + sexy chix on the beach. Simply, euphoric! Anyway, had a great swim (I do need the exercise to flat out that growing belly) and also I had a good time playing with my bro on the sand (I could recall really playing with him was like a decade ago!) Since he didn't know how to play volleyball, we transformed the sport to soccer. Imagine kicking the ball with sand splashing to your face! Good thing I have my shades for safety.
And then, like flash of lightning, my hischool barkada texted that we will be going to Sumilon the next day. It was 3:00PM and we were to camp out at a friend's place at 10PM and leave 4AM that upcoming dawn. Red alert! Scramble! Went home at 7 and got scolded for deciding on short notice (I think all of us got a piece from our rentz) and for not literally asking permission (I was just saying that I will go and expected a YES... Darn the short notice! I felt bad about it but I can't do anything to make the short notice any bit longer. it goes with my rule that I can change only what I can.) Well, just have to take it and acknowledge that I may make unpopular decisions at the spur of the moment, but have to recognize the fact that I am mature enough to take good care of myself amidst also good company. That is part of growing up and that I definitely embrace. So I packed and went. I was grumbling inside and feeling guilty but I know for a fact that it will just be taken as it is and it will die down the moment I will be back (and indeed it did!)
We were 10 all in all... was expecting just 8 but apparently my friend's GF brought along her cousins as mandatory chaperones considering the size of our group. So we took the Ceres bus to the South and in 3 hours we reached Oslob. It was quite an achievement for me. It's quite odd that I have toured over 10 US cities and I haven't even trekked Cebu beyond the cities of Cebu, Mandaue and Lapu-lapu. I took lots of photos as I always do for my trips.
Sumilon is an island off Cebu. Took a short 10 minute boat ride from the Sumilon Resort's dock at Oslob and we landed at the island itself. We went kayaking, swimming in the rough rapids as early as 8AM. Took photos and had buffet lunch all 10 of us plus some other people who were in the resort. Food wasn't as I hoped for considering the PhP1,200 we EACH spent for the resort package. Nonetheless, I took it as an escape from all that office work... and from all of reality and the fee wouldn't be that much of an issue. Like I said, it was an escape... escapade.
In the afternoon, we swam in the infinity pool. I took some photos where we sat by the gutter... upper body background was the sea and lower body backdrop was the pool. Magnificent! From the pool, I could see the Southern tip of Cebu province. So serene, peaceful and utterly simple - mountains, trees, banana trees, huts, simple homes... ergo, the laidback simple life that I've always wanted. 20 years from now John... hopefully!
After swimming, I practically ran out of things to do. It was just blazing hot and my sunburn just can't take more sunbeam (take note it's my 2nd day of being at the beach) So we went to the gazebo resto with a pool table and happened to find a mahjong set. Awesome! We undoubtedly burned the whole afternoon just playing mahjong. We had so much fun playing it, I felt stupid playing mahjong when I should have been squeezing every bit of the beach experience. But spending time with my friends, slash, trip buddies was the essence that completes my brief day's-worth of escape from reality.
And then... I got to talking with one of Angie's cousins. We enjoyed playing mahjong such that we talked a lot and realized we were in the same industry, I.T., and as of the moment, working right across the street from where I conduct my daily duties. She was very soft-spoken yet was always generous with her thoughts - interesting and sharp witted. I can already sense that first arrow approaching me like a mile away.
It was time to catch the bus home. We left dock at 4 only to find out that buses on the Cebu shore were so full that we had to take whatever bus that could still accommodate all 10 of us. We left 5:30 and settled for a non-aircon bus. I couldn't sleep in the bus like most of my buddies did since the driver's behavior was way beyond my safety standards. Well, for what it's worth I'm here in one piece blogging in the wee hours of the morning.
It's almost a week from that brief vacation and I just got to write this thanks to reality's way of taking control of my life. I do need to get myself a real life. A very real one at that. And hopefully, God-willing and with prayers, this lady would be that someone I've always wished for. And like I've realized in a year or two, the treasures in life are the people who are capable of giving appreciation as well as being magnanimous enough to be on its receiving end.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Having to rewrite the 5 Year Roadmap
It's not something that I would find myself enjoy doing. I wrote it so nicely once before and forces just conspire to drive changes to it. I've resisted and fought back with the greatest forces I could muster, knowing that they are just "tests" and in due time I will eventually prevail. "You reap what you sow."... yet if the storm consumes the harvest, what say you?
Sometimes I think that the things I prioritize in are not the things that ought to matter. It can at times be so frustrating. So thankless, these things I do. Sometimes I wonder if there is any bit of reward, or consolation or even at least some form appreciation. I guess we were once taught to give and not to count the cost... and sadly I got good C.L.F. grades for embodying it.
I've always put premium on being a responsible son, a kuya that a sibling can look up to, an honest and hardworking employee, a supportive colleague, a trustworthy friend, a devout Catholic, a person worth caring for. Who doesn't want to be that? But why does the world make it so hard to be just that? Why? I've failed on all accounts.
How I wish I can write songs and be inspired by them like Gary V does. Does it have to wait for the Lord to break me? Perhaps that's where all of these is leading to.
It's not something that I would find myself enjoy doing. I wrote it so nicely once before and forces just conspire to drive changes to it. I've resisted and fought back with the greatest forces I could muster, knowing that they are just "tests" and in due time I will eventually prevail. "You reap what you sow."... yet if the storm consumes the harvest, what say you?
Sometimes I think that the things I prioritize in are not the things that ought to matter. It can at times be so frustrating. So thankless, these things I do. Sometimes I wonder if there is any bit of reward, or consolation or even at least some form appreciation. I guess we were once taught to give and not to count the cost... and sadly I got good C.L.F. grades for embodying it.
I've always put premium on being a responsible son, a kuya that a sibling can look up to, an honest and hardworking employee, a supportive colleague, a trustworthy friend, a devout Catholic, a person worth caring for. Who doesn't want to be that? But why does the world make it so hard to be just that? Why? I've failed on all accounts.
How I wish I can write songs and be inspired by them like Gary V does. Does it have to wait for the Lord to break me? Perhaps that's where all of these is leading to.
Monday, March 19, 2007
CALOUSES
Every prick becomes barely a mosquito bite. Every wound, just a scratch. Every blow, I'd willingly give the other cheek too. The piercing summer sun and the glare of noon is just another day basking under the sun for a good 'ol tan. Every act of spite, ridicule or snide remark is just another's way of exercising ones freedom of expression. Every lie, deceit and manipulation is nothing but the reality of wickedness spreading like brushfire. Every means of extortion, corruption and gluttony is someone's excuse for survival. Every gossip becomes the currency to buy time and solicit free cups of coffee. Not just ordinary coffee.
A caloused person can only go stronger, fed by the anger that gives him focus and the drive to seize what is duly his. Barring all obstacles, the world conspires to give him what he wants. He should really want it that badly like it was his only ticket for salvation. In a world of crabs, those who know themselves and stay true to themselves get to enjoy the fresh breeze at the top while 'em crablets keep squirming about each other like fish out of the water. When you're up there, the air is clear and though 'em neanderthals try hard to feed you with their filth, the wind up there is too fast, too dry and too cold for the stench to ever get sucked up. He who feels nothing and values nothing is treated like nothing and is worth nothing.
A step closer to being nothing is like being the only star that graces the evening sky.
Every prick becomes barely a mosquito bite. Every wound, just a scratch. Every blow, I'd willingly give the other cheek too. The piercing summer sun and the glare of noon is just another day basking under the sun for a good 'ol tan. Every act of spite, ridicule or snide remark is just another's way of exercising ones freedom of expression. Every lie, deceit and manipulation is nothing but the reality of wickedness spreading like brushfire. Every means of extortion, corruption and gluttony is someone's excuse for survival. Every gossip becomes the currency to buy time and solicit free cups of coffee. Not just ordinary coffee.
A caloused person can only go stronger, fed by the anger that gives him focus and the drive to seize what is duly his. Barring all obstacles, the world conspires to give him what he wants. He should really want it that badly like it was his only ticket for salvation. In a world of crabs, those who know themselves and stay true to themselves get to enjoy the fresh breeze at the top while 'em crablets keep squirming about each other like fish out of the water. When you're up there, the air is clear and though 'em neanderthals try hard to feed you with their filth, the wind up there is too fast, too dry and too cold for the stench to ever get sucked up. He who feels nothing and values nothing is treated like nothing and is worth nothing.
A step closer to being nothing is like being the only star that graces the evening sky.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
An Inconvenient Truth
"What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so."
- Mark Twain
Global warming - I guess this isn't new to many of us.
I was introduced to a film presented by Al Gore - the "once next president of the United States". I was moved by the shocking evidence that proves that the war on terror needs to be shelved as it truly fades in comparison when life's existence is threatened at such a globally massive scale. Imagine if Greenland were to totally melt, sea level will rise by 20 feet. Imagine the loss of life and the massive refugee displacement. It would be catastrophic Global warming is indeed a moral issue.
Visit: www.climatecrisis.net Learn more about your capacity to contribute to save the very place we call home, Earth.
"What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so."
- Mark Twain
Global warming - I guess this isn't new to many of us.
I was introduced to a film presented by Al Gore - the "once next president of the United States". I was moved by the shocking evidence that proves that the war on terror needs to be shelved as it truly fades in comparison when life's existence is threatened at such a globally massive scale. Imagine if Greenland were to totally melt, sea level will rise by 20 feet. Imagine the loss of life and the massive refugee displacement. It would be catastrophic Global warming is indeed a moral issue.
Visit: www.climatecrisis.net Learn more about your capacity to contribute to save the very place we call home, Earth.
Monday, March 12, 2007
FRIENDSHIP: A Fragile Relationship
Sometimes words can be very powerful. A simple praise can fuel your entire week with self-motivating bliss. Hurtful ones on the other hand wound deeply and if neglected can turn to lifetime scars. Having lived in this place for more than 24 years now, I could say that it is a very small world indeed. Everyone's related to each other somehow, thus contributing more to the fragility of friendships.
In this wakeful night, my night cap seems not to be functioning as designed, so let's try blogging. Well instead of counting sheep, I'll try counting the friends I've made, the ones I lost in time, distance and circumstance, the ones that are silent on the side, the ones that are newly acquired, the ones that are at the borderline, those that need saving from a critically alarming state, the ones that need to be weeded out and the ones that I shall be meeting soon... I got lost counting.
And let's count too the true ones, the ones that preserve the truth in its rawest form, the ones that never judge me and simply take me for who I am, the ones that journey with me through the ups and downs of the wheel called life, the ones who are true to themselves and share their humanity with mine. I can count with 2 hands. (Of course I can!)
For what it's worth, I realized that it's not in how many friends you have made. It's in how many you treasure, keep and consider to be the best blessings from up above. Someone once wrote "Forgive sounds good, forget maybe not. They say time heals all things, but I am still waiting." I guess there is some truth there though I beg to differ on the "waiting" part. Nonetheless, we are all in need of some forgetting and forgiving. What's up with pride and today's modern fast paced world?
I guess when friends go separate ways we can only do so much as wish them well and treasure shared memories of and with them. The Reason-Season-Lifetime cliche.
Sometimes words can be very powerful. A simple praise can fuel your entire week with self-motivating bliss. Hurtful ones on the other hand wound deeply and if neglected can turn to lifetime scars. Having lived in this place for more than 24 years now, I could say that it is a very small world indeed. Everyone's related to each other somehow, thus contributing more to the fragility of friendships.
In this wakeful night, my night cap seems not to be functioning as designed, so let's try blogging. Well instead of counting sheep, I'll try counting the friends I've made, the ones I lost in time, distance and circumstance, the ones that are silent on the side, the ones that are newly acquired, the ones that are at the borderline, those that need saving from a critically alarming state, the ones that need to be weeded out and the ones that I shall be meeting soon... I got lost counting.
And let's count too the true ones, the ones that preserve the truth in its rawest form, the ones that never judge me and simply take me for who I am, the ones that journey with me through the ups and downs of the wheel called life, the ones who are true to themselves and share their humanity with mine. I can count with 2 hands. (Of course I can!)
For what it's worth, I realized that it's not in how many friends you have made. It's in how many you treasure, keep and consider to be the best blessings from up above. Someone once wrote "Forgive sounds good, forget maybe not. They say time heals all things, but I am still waiting." I guess there is some truth there though I beg to differ on the "waiting" part. Nonetheless, we are all in need of some forgetting and forgiving. What's up with pride and today's modern fast paced world?
I guess when friends go separate ways we can only do so much as wish them well and treasure shared memories of and with them. The Reason-Season-Lifetime cliche.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
STOLEN GLANCES
I saw you once more today, the year's first encounter. I saw you before. You were beside me, sleepy yet trying hard to keep smiling. You sang like your heart was leaping for joy and I never knew your voice was music to my ears. You were praying and so was I. You didn't know what I was praying for. I could only hope yours was like mine. You held my hand and I prayed that I'd be holding yours to forever. I was gone for a day and you suddenly went far, not knowing why I had to be away. I had you in my mind the whole time.
Today, you are distant and though you are within arm's reach, the fact remains that you are no longer beside me. I saw your eyes meeting mine. I was trying hard not to return it. I guess you have the most alluring eyes that I can't help but submit mine to them. I see you look my way, with a smile that I have forcibly trained myself to forget. I smiled back hoping that's all you could remember me by. I see you trying to reach out, yet you must know that I have my own reservations about it. I just like things done at the right context. That's me, just take it. I can't afford to be misunderstood... not in this world that gets smaller and smaller with each passing day.
I like to take photos, especially those of you. My eyes have the best lens ever and with my memory, I can store you up there for ages hoping that even if that's all I have, I could brave the worst storms in my life. I guess that is one amazing power of a woman. And you must acknowledge that.
I wish you well and if our roads cross again, I sure would have learned my lesson that indeed, a day could spell eternity.
I saw you once more today, the year's first encounter. I saw you before. You were beside me, sleepy yet trying hard to keep smiling. You sang like your heart was leaping for joy and I never knew your voice was music to my ears. You were praying and so was I. You didn't know what I was praying for. I could only hope yours was like mine. You held my hand and I prayed that I'd be holding yours to forever. I was gone for a day and you suddenly went far, not knowing why I had to be away. I had you in my mind the whole time.
Today, you are distant and though you are within arm's reach, the fact remains that you are no longer beside me. I saw your eyes meeting mine. I was trying hard not to return it. I guess you have the most alluring eyes that I can't help but submit mine to them. I see you look my way, with a smile that I have forcibly trained myself to forget. I smiled back hoping that's all you could remember me by. I see you trying to reach out, yet you must know that I have my own reservations about it. I just like things done at the right context. That's me, just take it. I can't afford to be misunderstood... not in this world that gets smaller and smaller with each passing day.
I like to take photos, especially those of you. My eyes have the best lens ever and with my memory, I can store you up there for ages hoping that even if that's all I have, I could brave the worst storms in my life. I guess that is one amazing power of a woman. And you must acknowledge that.
I wish you well and if our roads cross again, I sure would have learned my lesson that indeed, a day could spell eternity.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT?
I guess the answer to it sums up what a person's goals are, how he sees himself currently and the kind of person he wants himself to be, his aspirations, immediate and long term plans, what his heart is crying out for, what he rocks his brains thinking about, what makes him happy, what makes him smile, what he looks forward to at the end of a hard day's work, what he hopes tomorrow will bring, what keeps him alive amid life's atrocities against him. I guess if I were to ask you just one question... ever in your life... that would be it.
And though the answer to it reinvents itself in time, one thing I am verrrry sure of is that this is one question that is not answerable by a yes or a no.
I guess the answer to it sums up what a person's goals are, how he sees himself currently and the kind of person he wants himself to be, his aspirations, immediate and long term plans, what his heart is crying out for, what he rocks his brains thinking about, what makes him happy, what makes him smile, what he looks forward to at the end of a hard day's work, what he hopes tomorrow will bring, what keeps him alive amid life's atrocities against him. I guess if I were to ask you just one question... ever in your life... that would be it.
And though the answer to it reinvents itself in time, one thing I am verrrry sure of is that this is one question that is not answerable by a yes or a no.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
EMBRACING REALITIES
There are just things in life that you need to embrace, to persist as well as to let go. Those who survive in one piece are those who know how to pick their fights. Battles are won and lost and the outcome of the war is what truly matters. It must be understood that no matter how ones confidence and gut instinct dictates and insists on ones righteousness, there are factors that must be considered before deciding to stick to the same course. A ship that insists on its heading will surely flounder if a lighthouse radios back its incapacity to yield.
There are times that one must yield in order to survive. And though it remains as an insult to ones credibility, unsolicited shame is something that must be painfully swallowed. There is honor in losing the battle when one is able to rise up and secure the victory of the war. Life's opportunities waver at every spur of the moment. Doors close and open, and so do windows. They don't hold their state for long and whichever door or window you enter or whichever you forego will unravel your destiny in bits and pieces. I've learned that there is no ultimate loyalty in this world. People you help and care for will bite your finger. Everyone is trying to survive. You just have to avoid circumstances where you are coerced to do the biting.
I got this text message from a friend. I chose to document it here so I may always remember and if my memory fails, I will have something to go back to and internalize. Many may not agree to it. Many may struggle with keeping to it. But I still believe that despite the evil around, there is honor in keeping to its words. It aptly describes how lives are led on a daily basis... at least how I inspire myself to live mine:
"Be such a person and live such a life that if every person were such as you and every life a life like yours, this Earth would be God's paradise."
Good night! Tomorrow is yet another battle to be reckoned with. See you in the field!
There are just things in life that you need to embrace, to persist as well as to let go. Those who survive in one piece are those who know how to pick their fights. Battles are won and lost and the outcome of the war is what truly matters. It must be understood that no matter how ones confidence and gut instinct dictates and insists on ones righteousness, there are factors that must be considered before deciding to stick to the same course. A ship that insists on its heading will surely flounder if a lighthouse radios back its incapacity to yield.
There are times that one must yield in order to survive. And though it remains as an insult to ones credibility, unsolicited shame is something that must be painfully swallowed. There is honor in losing the battle when one is able to rise up and secure the victory of the war. Life's opportunities waver at every spur of the moment. Doors close and open, and so do windows. They don't hold their state for long and whichever door or window you enter or whichever you forego will unravel your destiny in bits and pieces. I've learned that there is no ultimate loyalty in this world. People you help and care for will bite your finger. Everyone is trying to survive. You just have to avoid circumstances where you are coerced to do the biting.
I got this text message from a friend. I chose to document it here so I may always remember and if my memory fails, I will have something to go back to and internalize. Many may not agree to it. Many may struggle with keeping to it. But I still believe that despite the evil around, there is honor in keeping to its words. It aptly describes how lives are led on a daily basis... at least how I inspire myself to live mine:
"Be such a person and live such a life that if every person were such as you and every life a life like yours, this Earth would be God's paradise."
Good night! Tomorrow is yet another battle to be reckoned with. See you in the field!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
COUNTing...
I'd like to start counting...counting the weekS and dayS till I can escape once more. Someone IMed me and asked, "when are you leaving? do you even like going? is it enjoyable?" Coming from her, I should think more before saying anything, but what the heck... I gave her some quick answer that my brain could muster in 10 milliseconds. And when I was about to close my eyes to end the day, it hit me and thought about it once more. I still go by my answer. YES. It's kind of a sad yes... sad because no one really likes leaving or being away. But it is a definite yes. It is my only escape. I get to do everything I want. I can have almost everything I want - good food, parks, landmarks, nice stuff to shop. I have my time and I can be in places where I can enjoy nature, take pictures of it, stay out all day and not have someone poke at me and say, "Let's go!" I can just play tennis with anyone in the park and have a nice talk afterwards. I can drive a bike in the open street go hunting for nice stuff in garage sales and just talking to some nice ol people.
I wonder why many would disagree with me in this. I like it there. I just keep wondering why almost everyone would just go there for the money.,, and if not for it then they absolutely won't. Am I missing something? Or maybe I'm just not having a good time here. It's boring. Really! I think 'coz this place is getting too small for comfort.
I'd like to start counting...counting the weekS and dayS till I can escape once more. Someone IMed me and asked, "when are you leaving? do you even like going? is it enjoyable?" Coming from her, I should think more before saying anything, but what the heck... I gave her some quick answer that my brain could muster in 10 milliseconds. And when I was about to close my eyes to end the day, it hit me and thought about it once more. I still go by my answer. YES. It's kind of a sad yes... sad because no one really likes leaving or being away. But it is a definite yes. It is my only escape. I get to do everything I want. I can have almost everything I want - good food, parks, landmarks, nice stuff to shop. I have my time and I can be in places where I can enjoy nature, take pictures of it, stay out all day and not have someone poke at me and say, "Let's go!" I can just play tennis with anyone in the park and have a nice talk afterwards. I can drive a bike in the open street go hunting for nice stuff in garage sales and just talking to some nice ol people.
I wonder why many would disagree with me in this. I like it there. I just keep wondering why almost everyone would just go there for the money.,, and if not for it then they absolutely won't. Am I missing something? Or maybe I'm just not having a good time here. It's boring. Really! I think 'coz this place is getting too small for comfort.
Monday, February 26, 2007
ESCAPE
I'd just like to drop everything and leave. Leave everything, everyone and start a new in a new place where I don't know anyone. Is this possible now? My current "world" is too broken to be mended. Why fix something as hopeless as this when I can build once more from scratch? What could this place and these people possibly offer me??? I'd ask forgiveness from Rizal, but this is just too much for nationalism to prevail.
I'd just like to drop everything and leave. Leave everything, everyone and start a new in a new place where I don't know anyone. Is this possible now? My current "world" is too broken to be mended. Why fix something as hopeless as this when I can build once more from scratch? What could this place and these people possibly offer me??? I'd ask forgiveness from Rizal, but this is just too much for nationalism to prevail.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Is there a doctor in the house?
Yes there is! It is official, we now have a doctor in the family. My mom's cousin who is just 2 years older than I am just "passed" the medical board. "Passed" wouldn't do justice for his efforts... and would simply be a huge understatement because... he TOPPED it at 3rd place!
Congratulations to our beloved Omid Etemadi!
Yes there is! It is official, we now have a doctor in the family. My mom's cousin who is just 2 years older than I am just "passed" the medical board. "Passed" wouldn't do justice for his efforts... and would simply be a huge understatement because... he TOPPED it at 3rd place!
Congratulations to our beloved Omid Etemadi!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
New Look
I've finally made time to go beyond just changing the backdrop. I like the design actually... the drawers are awesome... keeps lesser clutter minimizing footprint of the links and the chatterbox, archives, etc... And taking a look at the code, it is more "object oriented" than the past layout where I couldn't define style globally. Now I can and it follows that future restyling is a lot easier.
Well, hope you like it and this sure is something remarkable for the New Year!
I've finally made time to go beyond just changing the backdrop. I like the design actually... the drawers are awesome... keeps lesser clutter minimizing footprint of the links and the chatterbox, archives, etc... And taking a look at the code, it is more "object oriented" than the past layout where I couldn't define style globally. Now I can and it follows that future restyling is a lot easier.
Well, hope you like it and this sure is something remarkable for the New Year!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Music Madness
I've been a house music lover for more than 2 years now. I've always loved trance ever since I learned how to drive... tsk tsk tsk... and it was late in college that I learned to embrace the bubblier side of trance. From albums such as Fragma's Tocas Miracle to Chicane, to ATB to the more acclaimed mixes of Paul Van Dyk and DJ Tiesto (his have got to be the best mixes), I've slowly resonated to the chillout beats of Kaskade, Bonnie Bailey, Frou Frou, Gyskard, Moony, Late Night Alumni. And who could ever forget the compilation of the best tracks? You'll never go wrong with Hed Kandi. Plus you'll love Kandi art!
Everytime I hear a new track either streaming over internet radio or in a local radio station such as Y101... or even just hearing the beats in let's say... Formo, I direly need to find out the title, artist and album. And since original CDs of this genre are very rare, and if indeed available are purty expensive, I search for them in Limewire with a matching 320kbps encoding quality... or else it's time to call a friend.
I've been hearing a certain song playing for quite sometime now. I always mistook it for David Morales' Here I Am (Kaskade mix). But for the two occasions I heard it, I said to myself, "Nah, this has to be a new track from Gyskard... or Sunset Daze... or it has to be a new addition to the Hed Kandi compilations that I do not know of." And today, just this lunchtime, I heard it again over at Y101. So despite their busy lines, I patiently rang them over and over again to try my luck... and voila, I have what I was looking for.
*** Samantha James - RISE ***
And yeah, I was right about it on one thing. I just found out late tonight that it is in the Hed Kandi Beach 2006 CD compilation... track 1!!! Told you, you can't go wrong with Hed Kandi.
So after my work shift today was over, I rushed home to DL via Limewire. I've found 3 versions of it. The 12" original Samantha James track, Eric Kupper mix ripped from the Tokyo Disco CD and ROCAsound mix. I first listened to the ROCAsound mix. Not bad really, except that I have a big feeling this is where radio edits will be ripped from.,, or maybe they are already. Dunno. I'm now listening to the Eric Kupper mix. Bold, vibrant, sophisticated with that subtle 3D surround sound effect... no wonder it is the more favored version. I love the original mix. Just simply uplifting, it makes me wanna.. RISE. How apt!
So if I could convince anyone reading this to appreciate house and chillout music, check out this track! And what did I say about Hed Kandi? Grab some trax now and get some nice headsets to match. And if you're heading off to the beach this weekend, find a nice breezy spot, listen to the gushing waves, breathe that fresh sea breeze, grab a cooler or some soda pop, lay back on the sand, push play and then close your eyes.
And don't forget to... chillout!
I've been a house music lover for more than 2 years now. I've always loved trance ever since I learned how to drive... tsk tsk tsk... and it was late in college that I learned to embrace the bubblier side of trance. From albums such as Fragma's Tocas Miracle to Chicane, to ATB to the more acclaimed mixes of Paul Van Dyk and DJ Tiesto (his have got to be the best mixes), I've slowly resonated to the chillout beats of Kaskade, Bonnie Bailey, Frou Frou, Gyskard, Moony, Late Night Alumni. And who could ever forget the compilation of the best tracks? You'll never go wrong with Hed Kandi. Plus you'll love Kandi art!
Everytime I hear a new track either streaming over internet radio or in a local radio station such as Y101... or even just hearing the beats in let's say... Formo, I direly need to find out the title, artist and album. And since original CDs of this genre are very rare, and if indeed available are purty expensive, I search for them in Limewire with a matching 320kbps encoding quality... or else it's time to call a friend.
I've been hearing a certain song playing for quite sometime now. I always mistook it for David Morales' Here I Am (Kaskade mix). But for the two occasions I heard it, I said to myself, "Nah, this has to be a new track from Gyskard... or Sunset Daze... or it has to be a new addition to the Hed Kandi compilations that I do not know of." And today, just this lunchtime, I heard it again over at Y101. So despite their busy lines, I patiently rang them over and over again to try my luck... and voila, I have what I was looking for.
*** Samantha James - RISE ***
And yeah, I was right about it on one thing. I just found out late tonight that it is in the Hed Kandi Beach 2006 CD compilation... track 1!!! Told you, you can't go wrong with Hed Kandi.
So after my work shift today was over, I rushed home to DL via Limewire. I've found 3 versions of it. The 12" original Samantha James track, Eric Kupper mix ripped from the Tokyo Disco CD and ROCAsound mix. I first listened to the ROCAsound mix. Not bad really, except that I have a big feeling this is where radio edits will be ripped from.,, or maybe they are already. Dunno. I'm now listening to the Eric Kupper mix. Bold, vibrant, sophisticated with that subtle 3D surround sound effect... no wonder it is the more favored version. I love the original mix. Just simply uplifting, it makes me wanna.. RISE. How apt!
So if I could convince anyone reading this to appreciate house and chillout music, check out this track! And what did I say about Hed Kandi? Grab some trax now and get some nice headsets to match. And if you're heading off to the beach this weekend, find a nice breezy spot, listen to the gushing waves, breathe that fresh sea breeze, grab a cooler or some soda pop, lay back on the sand, push play and then close your eyes.
And don't forget to... chillout!
Friday, January 26, 2007
PRAYERS FOR A BLESSING
"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
- Matthew 5:45
Grant me O Lord the gift of forgiveness; that my heart and mind will learn to forgive and forget; that by being forgiving towards my fellowmen, I may be worthy of Your mercy. Take from me the burden of hate, regret and misery that plagues me. Make me as light as a feather, that I may soar like the angels that abound you.
"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
- Matthew 5:45
Grant me O Lord the gift of forgiveness; that my heart and mind will learn to forgive and forget; that by being forgiving towards my fellowmen, I may be worthy of Your mercy. Take from me the burden of hate, regret and misery that plagues me. Make me as light as a feather, that I may soar like the angels that abound you.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
STRIPPING
I like the title. Catchy yet it really depends on how you took it to mean. Anyway... why the title? Well, life is. Every revelation is as good as it is in the moment. As it passes by, it fades and rots into the history books. What is revealed now won't hold true for long. What is tasty now won't be once it exceeds its shelf life. What is important now will be important for now and might not be when it loses its urgency. Like stripping apples, you reveal the essence of what you intend to experience, the juice and fibers that you intend to taste. Yet if you leave it on a plate for sometime without even taking a bite, you will never realize how tasty the apple was when it was just freshly peeled. Nothing beats a freshly stripped apple... not even those that come in cans with preservatives and extra doses of vitamin C can compare to the zest of a freshly peeled apple dripping with sweet fruit juice.
And just as life's essence is slowly revealed, relish the experience at every state. It will never be the same again.
I like the title. Catchy yet it really depends on how you took it to mean. Anyway... why the title? Well, life is. Every revelation is as good as it is in the moment. As it passes by, it fades and rots into the history books. What is revealed now won't hold true for long. What is tasty now won't be once it exceeds its shelf life. What is important now will be important for now and might not be when it loses its urgency. Like stripping apples, you reveal the essence of what you intend to experience, the juice and fibers that you intend to taste. Yet if you leave it on a plate for sometime without even taking a bite, you will never realize how tasty the apple was when it was just freshly peeled. Nothing beats a freshly stripped apple... not even those that come in cans with preservatives and extra doses of vitamin C can compare to the zest of a freshly peeled apple dripping with sweet fruit juice.
And just as life's essence is slowly revealed, relish the experience at every state. It will never be the same again.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
WISHES
"I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." I think I am too grown-up to chant that before going to bed. Nonetheless, making wishes gives some form of direction for a pursuit or a goal yet to be achieved. I could only imagine waking up one morning and not knowing what to do or what to aim for.
I believe wishes and opportunities come hand-in-hand. A wish remains a wish unless a door opens to reveal what lies beyond it. Sometimes the goal looks as miniscule as an object that is miles and miles away. Sometimes, it is just staring right at you standing at the doorstep.
What happens when "Carpe Diem" isn't as simple doing it as speaking of it? When a wish evolves to an opportunity, with the passing of time, it slowly eludes you, lest you do something quick and hold on to it. The trick with opportunities is that it comes when you least expect it to. "Had I been more prepared for it, I could have given all to seize it.... BUT" Let it stop right there with the big fat "but". I think what follows won't come out as a surprise to many of us. Yes, we make wishes. We pray hard for the opportunity. to come... real soon. And then it suddenly creeps in at you like a thief in the night. And then it leaves you feeling cheated, like flashing a candy infront of a kid and then immediately swallowing it. What a tease!
And so there goes the opportunity. Brushing off the dust and standing up once more isn't a simple chore as what the cliche might dictate. It helps a lot to realize what exactly went wrong; what was holding me back; what kept me from meeting the expectation of holding on to it like dear life. Some may agree or disagree with me with what I am about to say. (Keep it to yourself, by the way.) There is no point having something if you can't keep it. Some would counter "Well, you'll never know what happens after it unless you tried." "Point taken, but I'll take this road, thank you." Spoken like an evolved cynic.
So what happens to the wish then? It stays. It has to, lest the compass would just be spinning round and round. I guess with every lost opportunity, there is always some amount of hope that another opportunity comes knocking. The previous one might come knocking once more, ever elusive and yet more familiar this time around, or it could be a new one, mysterious yet of better value.
I view lost opportunites not as failures nor products of lame excuses nor of sheer laziness. The world just didn't conspire to provide me with the resources necassary for me to also generously shower what I am capable of sharing. And I do hope this is well understood by myself and the rest of the universe. I could say that if I had what I needed and if I had my insecurities filled up, then why would I forego of a wish that has become an opportunity right under my nose? I guess it was not for me to decide, but for the world to understand that patience and understanding would have made things work. And perhaps if the world truly knew what's deep in my heart and mind... *sigh It will never care to even know.
And all these is for the world to know that I am not out here to prove something. Nor do I exist to be judged and spoken about. That's what the weather is for - to be judged and spoken about. I am here to live a decent life just like anyone else. That is my every right and so it is for everyone else. I am here to give my love and my life's worth to the world as a token for the abundance it has endowed upon me. I am here to be taken for who I am, to be treated as a person who feels and can feel for others as well. I am not Superman nor am I Clark Kent. I am not as smart as some would say I am. But even if I thought of myself as totally dumb and stupid, dumb people can have wishes too.
"I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." I think I am too grown-up to chant that before going to bed. Nonetheless, making wishes gives some form of direction for a pursuit or a goal yet to be achieved. I could only imagine waking up one morning and not knowing what to do or what to aim for.
I believe wishes and opportunities come hand-in-hand. A wish remains a wish unless a door opens to reveal what lies beyond it. Sometimes the goal looks as miniscule as an object that is miles and miles away. Sometimes, it is just staring right at you standing at the doorstep.
What happens when "Carpe Diem" isn't as simple doing it as speaking of it? When a wish evolves to an opportunity, with the passing of time, it slowly eludes you, lest you do something quick and hold on to it. The trick with opportunities is that it comes when you least expect it to. "Had I been more prepared for it, I could have given all to seize it.... BUT" Let it stop right there with the big fat "but". I think what follows won't come out as a surprise to many of us. Yes, we make wishes. We pray hard for the opportunity. to come... real soon. And then it suddenly creeps in at you like a thief in the night. And then it leaves you feeling cheated, like flashing a candy infront of a kid and then immediately swallowing it. What a tease!
And so there goes the opportunity. Brushing off the dust and standing up once more isn't a simple chore as what the cliche might dictate. It helps a lot to realize what exactly went wrong; what was holding me back; what kept me from meeting the expectation of holding on to it like dear life. Some may agree or disagree with me with what I am about to say. (Keep it to yourself, by the way.) There is no point having something if you can't keep it. Some would counter "Well, you'll never know what happens after it unless you tried." "Point taken, but I'll take this road, thank you." Spoken like an evolved cynic.
So what happens to the wish then? It stays. It has to, lest the compass would just be spinning round and round. I guess with every lost opportunity, there is always some amount of hope that another opportunity comes knocking. The previous one might come knocking once more, ever elusive and yet more familiar this time around, or it could be a new one, mysterious yet of better value.
I view lost opportunites not as failures nor products of lame excuses nor of sheer laziness. The world just didn't conspire to provide me with the resources necassary for me to also generously shower what I am capable of sharing. And I do hope this is well understood by myself and the rest of the universe. I could say that if I had what I needed and if I had my insecurities filled up, then why would I forego of a wish that has become an opportunity right under my nose? I guess it was not for me to decide, but for the world to understand that patience and understanding would have made things work. And perhaps if the world truly knew what's deep in my heart and mind... *sigh It will never care to even know.
And all these is for the world to know that I am not out here to prove something. Nor do I exist to be judged and spoken about. That's what the weather is for - to be judged and spoken about. I am here to live a decent life just like anyone else. That is my every right and so it is for everyone else. I am here to give my love and my life's worth to the world as a token for the abundance it has endowed upon me. I am here to be taken for who I am, to be treated as a person who feels and can feel for others as well. I am not Superman nor am I Clark Kent. I am not as smart as some would say I am. But even if I thought of myself as totally dumb and stupid, dumb people can have wishes too.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
SERIOUS PLANS
It's been so many months now that I've been looking for an outlet to spend time on outside normal work. And it seems to me that after so much searching, it still boils down to... yes... doing more work... but at least it is some work that will benefit the family business as well as expand my programming skill set... and at the same time realize how software costing is really measured.
Tonight, three friends (from high school and college) invited me to have dinner with them. We spoke for 4 hours. They talked of having me setup a team of developers to develop some custom software for their business. And once it is made, they will sell customized versions of that software to their clients who buy hardware (PCs and PC components) from them. Looks like a good plan to me... and at least this is one plan that I have a little bit more knowledge of above the other plans that other friends have proposed for months. I think this triad is serious on what they want to achieve and I am inclined to take part of it outside my normal workhours. The good thing is that we are in agreement that it should be strictly project-based, not payroll. It will be good for us to keep our jobs and have this on the side (but still darn serious enough to merit the attention on weekends and weeknights). I think I have the extra time since it's been just office and home for me for months now. So there. I hope this plan soars or else it will just be another one of those plans that died before they were even born.
It's been so many months now that I've been looking for an outlet to spend time on outside normal work. And it seems to me that after so much searching, it still boils down to... yes... doing more work... but at least it is some work that will benefit the family business as well as expand my programming skill set... and at the same time realize how software costing is really measured.
Tonight, three friends (from high school and college) invited me to have dinner with them. We spoke for 4 hours. They talked of having me setup a team of developers to develop some custom software for their business. And once it is made, they will sell customized versions of that software to their clients who buy hardware (PCs and PC components) from them. Looks like a good plan to me... and at least this is one plan that I have a little bit more knowledge of above the other plans that other friends have proposed for months. I think this triad is serious on what they want to achieve and I am inclined to take part of it outside my normal workhours. The good thing is that we are in agreement that it should be strictly project-based, not payroll. It will be good for us to keep our jobs and have this on the side (but still darn serious enough to merit the attention on weekends and weeknights). I think I have the extra time since it's been just office and home for me for months now. So there. I hope this plan soars or else it will just be another one of those plans that died before they were even born.
Monday, January 08, 2007
void Passion (int args)
{
/* Vars undeclared here are global */
/* See globals.h for a complete listing */
unsigned char
world, goal, focus;
int
time, x;
/* Check the time to validate whether we need to perform this function */
/* Time follows 24h and is displayed in 2 byte hex notation */
/* E.g. 5:30PM is declared as 0x1730 */
time = check_time();
if(!(time > 0x0000) & (time <0x0330))
return;
/* If nothing was passed, then consider it as just force-feedback */
if(args > 0)
return;
/* Do the real work here */
if(args == CAREER)
world = args;
else if(args == FUN)
world = (afford? (FUN & indulge) : (FUN & pass));
else
world = THINK_STUFF;
goal = args & HAPPINESS;
switch(goal)
{
case MONEY:
focus = OT;
expense_rate --;
load_work --;
stress ++;
break;
case FAMILY:
focus = VL | EL | SL;
/* Update vars on daily basis */
for(x=0;x < VL;x++)
{
load_work ++;
stress --;
}
break;
case SECURITY:
focus = THINK_STUFF;
stress ++;
break;
default:
focus = SLEEP;
}
#ifdef NEWHAVE_HAVENOTS
achieved + count_achvd = &haves
upd_haves();
upd_havenots();
#else
/* Use default values: haves and havenots are limited to 15 at any one time. */
/* Haves are automatically archived into "achieved" data array, havenots that are unachievable are NULLed*/
/* NOTE: This array of elements is not defined as an enum, so no order of priority is defined */
haves = { family, friends, supply_food, roof, water, air, job, laptop, theatre, faith };
havenots = { plasmaTV, house, lot, car, businesses, wife, kids, legacy };
#endif
if(focus > 0)
{
/* Inform our main ioctl that we are doing OK */
alert(GREEN);
return;
}
else
{
printf("GET A LIFE!!!!");
/* Service the error and inform main that we're in bad shape! */
if(world == (FUN & indulge))
alert(YELLOW);
else
alert(RED);
}
}
{
/* Vars undeclared here are global */
/* See globals.h for a complete listing */
unsigned char
world, goal, focus;
int
time, x;
/* Check the time to validate whether we need to perform this function */
/* Time follows 24h and is displayed in 2 byte hex notation */
/* E.g. 5:30PM is declared as 0x1730 */
time = check_time();
if(!(time > 0x0000) & (time <0x0330))
return;
/* If nothing was passed, then consider it as just force-feedback */
if(args > 0)
return;
/* Do the real work here */
if(args == CAREER)
world = args;
else if(args == FUN)
world = (afford? (FUN & indulge) : (FUN & pass));
else
world = THINK_STUFF;
goal = args & HAPPINESS;
switch(goal)
{
case MONEY:
focus = OT;
expense_rate --;
load_work --;
stress ++;
break;
case FAMILY:
focus = VL | EL | SL;
/* Update vars on daily basis */
for(x=0;x < VL;x++)
{
load_work ++;
stress --;
}
break;
case SECURITY:
focus = THINK_STUFF;
stress ++;
break;
default:
focus = SLEEP;
}
#ifdef NEWHAVE_HAVENOTS
achieved + count_achvd = &haves
upd_haves();
upd_havenots();
#else
/* Use default values: haves and havenots are limited to 15 at any one time. */
/* Haves are automatically archived into "achieved" data array, havenots that are unachievable are NULLed*/
/* NOTE: This array of elements is not defined as an enum, so no order of priority is defined */
haves = { family, friends, supply_food, roof, water, air, job, laptop, theatre, faith };
havenots = { plasmaTV, house, lot, car, businesses, wife, kids, legacy };
#endif
if(focus > 0)
{
/* Inform our main ioctl that we are doing OK */
alert(GREEN);
return;
}
else
{
printf("GET A LIFE!!!!");
/* Service the error and inform main that we're in bad shape! */
if(world == (FUN & indulge))
alert(YELLOW);
else
alert(RED);
}
}
Saturday, January 06, 2007
HOLIDAY FAT
Two weeks ago, I visited the doctor's clinic for an annual check-up and I recalled that I took my weight on the scale and it read 154 pounds. Today, I went to the gym to pay it a visit since I haven't visited the gym for over a year now. I stepped on the scale and it read 161 pounds. Should the sirens go "weew... weew... weew..."? And so I jogged incline on the treadmill for like 5 mins... not enough to burn the fat but I was in dire need of time. So did some weight lifting, benchpresses and crunches for another hour. I was running short of time since I went to the gym to kill time before I have to go home and change for a dinner invitation tonight. So went to Ayala to do my cooldowns by walking briskly around the mall (this is what I do to tone my body whenever I have no time for gym). Walked around for 15 minutes and then drove home. On the way home, my whole body was flaming and aching, and so was my stomach... so I went for a McDo drive thru and got a fillet-o-fish... MEAL!... upsized!
Tonight, my uncle and aunt invited our household and our Aussie relatives to Acqua at the Shang. Today's their anniversary and they took us out to one of the best restaurants in town. I love gourmet food and all the more I love seafood. I nearly filled my tank with their Selezione di Antipasti... and that was just the appetizer. I loved the marinara and a certain pasta that's creamy with mushrooms, spices and shredded beef. Haven;t tasted any pasta as heavenly as that one... too bad my stomach was so full already that I hesitated to eat more of it to give way to the desserts. And I made the right choice! The chef gave my aunt and uncle a choclate cake that was thick, moist and tasted so darn good! I had 2 slices of it and couldn't take more lest I'd burst. So i finished the meal with a couple of glasses of champagne and that sealed off my second largest meal of the year... yet!
I will have to make up for that by working out real hard tomorrow. And... well... tomorrow... we got a wedding to attend, so this really adds to the fat dump. I just can't say no to good food... and they almost always serve good food in weddings. I can now use the fat I've always wanted to gain and I can now burn them to get a more firm physique.
I gotta sleep now. For sure, my body will ache all over tomorrow morning as I have always made it a point that when I go back to the gym from such a long time, I try as much as possible not to reduce the weights I lift and the reps I lift them with. I can now smell the scent of Salonpas!
Two weeks ago, I visited the doctor's clinic for an annual check-up and I recalled that I took my weight on the scale and it read 154 pounds. Today, I went to the gym to pay it a visit since I haven't visited the gym for over a year now. I stepped on the scale and it read 161 pounds. Should the sirens go "weew... weew... weew..."? And so I jogged incline on the treadmill for like 5 mins... not enough to burn the fat but I was in dire need of time. So did some weight lifting, benchpresses and crunches for another hour. I was running short of time since I went to the gym to kill time before I have to go home and change for a dinner invitation tonight. So went to Ayala to do my cooldowns by walking briskly around the mall (this is what I do to tone my body whenever I have no time for gym). Walked around for 15 minutes and then drove home. On the way home, my whole body was flaming and aching, and so was my stomach... so I went for a McDo drive thru and got a fillet-o-fish... MEAL!... upsized!
Tonight, my uncle and aunt invited our household and our Aussie relatives to Acqua at the Shang. Today's their anniversary and they took us out to one of the best restaurants in town. I love gourmet food and all the more I love seafood. I nearly filled my tank with their Selezione di Antipasti... and that was just the appetizer. I loved the marinara and a certain pasta that's creamy with mushrooms, spices and shredded beef. Haven;t tasted any pasta as heavenly as that one... too bad my stomach was so full already that I hesitated to eat more of it to give way to the desserts. And I made the right choice! The chef gave my aunt and uncle a choclate cake that was thick, moist and tasted so darn good! I had 2 slices of it and couldn't take more lest I'd burst. So i finished the meal with a couple of glasses of champagne and that sealed off my second largest meal of the year... yet!
I will have to make up for that by working out real hard tomorrow. And... well... tomorrow... we got a wedding to attend, so this really adds to the fat dump. I just can't say no to good food... and they almost always serve good food in weddings. I can now use the fat I've always wanted to gain and I can now burn them to get a more firm physique.
I gotta sleep now. For sure, my body will ache all over tomorrow morning as I have always made it a point that when I go back to the gym from such a long time, I try as much as possible not to reduce the weights I lift and the reps I lift them with. I can now smell the scent of Salonpas!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
ROLLING
My inbox was flooded with emails this morning. Spent an hour reading through the notes. It seems Americans started work January 3rd and there's no such thing as New Year inertia for them. And so things started rolling in the office too. I think when you are surrounded by people who are working hard and a lot of the things that you are supposed to do are within your capacity then you get a lot of things done quickly. Writing this, I don't feel burned out even if I've accomplished a lot. I think it is about work that is within my capacity.
Another thing is rolling... a friend called me at the office to talk about some interesting venture. I think it is also aligned with my plan to setup an automated accounting/inventory/payroll system for our family business. I didn't know business softwares cost that much (half a million? you gotta be *beeping me), though I personally believe that only 30% of the cost is the actual value for it. Even if I knew how to write the code for it, I think that the 70% was placed there to fund for some personal wishlist or for the brain cells that died thinking of the algorithm. Heehee I doubt if there is a specific market price for business software. IEEE should have had that figured out. The only thing I can think off is using the man-hours or the KLOC metric. Nonetheless, how much of the declared man-hours is actually spent on serious coding? If only clients knew the what goes on on the other side, then they would probably just develop the software by themselves. But then again, time spent somewhere else would probably earn them more. Thus, they wouldn't mind paying for that personal wishlist now wouldn't they? It's probably just pocket change. Now I know how a client on a budget feels.
My inbox was flooded with emails this morning. Spent an hour reading through the notes. It seems Americans started work January 3rd and there's no such thing as New Year inertia for them. And so things started rolling in the office too. I think when you are surrounded by people who are working hard and a lot of the things that you are supposed to do are within your capacity then you get a lot of things done quickly. Writing this, I don't feel burned out even if I've accomplished a lot. I think it is about work that is within my capacity.
Another thing is rolling... a friend called me at the office to talk about some interesting venture. I think it is also aligned with my plan to setup an automated accounting/inventory/payroll system for our family business. I didn't know business softwares cost that much (half a million? you gotta be *beeping me), though I personally believe that only 30% of the cost is the actual value for it. Even if I knew how to write the code for it, I think that the 70% was placed there to fund for some personal wishlist or for the brain cells that died thinking of the algorithm. Heehee I doubt if there is a specific market price for business software. IEEE should have had that figured out. The only thing I can think off is using the man-hours or the KLOC metric. Nonetheless, how much of the declared man-hours is actually spent on serious coding? If only clients knew the what goes on on the other side, then they would probably just develop the software by themselves. But then again, time spent somewhere else would probably earn them more. Thus, they wouldn't mind paying for that personal wishlist now wouldn't they? It's probably just pocket change. Now I know how a client on a budget feels.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
FUTURISTIC??? (I finally got a cue on what title to give this post)
I've been thinking a lot lately. Thinking stuff like... am I cut out to be some kick ass career person? or/and am I cut out to be some aggressive businessman? Sensee the tone? All WORK!!! hehehe Well, I've been thinking a lot lately in terms of how I plan to bridge my career with the businessES I soon would like to have like rings to my finger (coz I don't think THE ring on THE finger matters anymore to me as of this moment... like I said "Can't afford!!! and being of the male specie, I shouldn't be too concerned about it? Likely so."). I've given it some thought and I see my link in getting my hands dirty on L.A.M.P. and hopefully if I get to build the bridge right, I could be well off with operating businesses like goldmines and my career would be soaring with mastery in SAP technologies. Proof enough that dreaming is for FREE. hehehe Current status of this plan would be like a Filipino (still in the Philippines) wanting to climb Mt. Everest all the way from its foot to its apse with barely any mountain climbing skills. With a year in firmware, and with my TL leaving the company, I realized that there is really no physical evidence of ones work since code is totally proprietary in firmware. My worth and marketability would most likely be measured in terms of years of experience. But when you develop business software, you can proudly add to your resume that this company and that company runs its operations and sales using software you developed or you co-developed. Plus with my plan, our family business gets to be benefited and I can control/monitor different aspects of the business via software that I created/co-created.
It's so pathetic to think that I don't know how to develop software for our business... considering the fact that I graduated as a computer engineer and I am curtrently developing firmware for an international firm. I feel like wanting to make a 180 turn... without actually knowing what I am up against.
Some may ask why the sudden focus... I myself don't know. My mind is once again thinking BIG... too BIG maybe. Probably because there was practically nothing to do in the office today. If this goes on tomorrow, then I'd know that this could be something... if not then this could just go down as another brain fart. Ugghhh... people keep telling me I look too far into the future. I just can't get the world that's right infront of me.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Thinking stuff like... am I cut out to be some kick ass career person? or/and am I cut out to be some aggressive businessman? Sensee the tone? All WORK!!! hehehe Well, I've been thinking a lot lately in terms of how I plan to bridge my career with the businessES I soon would like to have like rings to my finger (coz I don't think THE ring on THE finger matters anymore to me as of this moment... like I said "Can't afford!!! and being of the male specie, I shouldn't be too concerned about it? Likely so."). I've given it some thought and I see my link in getting my hands dirty on L.A.M.P. and hopefully if I get to build the bridge right, I could be well off with operating businesses like goldmines and my career would be soaring with mastery in SAP technologies. Proof enough that dreaming is for FREE. hehehe Current status of this plan would be like a Filipino (still in the Philippines) wanting to climb Mt. Everest all the way from its foot to its apse with barely any mountain climbing skills. With a year in firmware, and with my TL leaving the company, I realized that there is really no physical evidence of ones work since code is totally proprietary in firmware. My worth and marketability would most likely be measured in terms of years of experience. But when you develop business software, you can proudly add to your resume that this company and that company runs its operations and sales using software you developed or you co-developed. Plus with my plan, our family business gets to be benefited and I can control/monitor different aspects of the business via software that I created/co-created.
It's so pathetic to think that I don't know how to develop software for our business... considering the fact that I graduated as a computer engineer and I am curtrently developing firmware for an international firm. I feel like wanting to make a 180 turn... without actually knowing what I am up against.
Some may ask why the sudden focus... I myself don't know. My mind is once again thinking BIG... too BIG maybe. Probably because there was practically nothing to do in the office today. If this goes on tomorrow, then I'd know that this could be something... if not then this could just go down as another brain fart. Ugghhh... people keep telling me I look too far into the future. I just can't get the world that's right infront of me.
Monday, January 01, 2007
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Woohoo! Took many nice photos of family, firecrackers and a mix of both. I love New Year's Eve coz food is always THE BEST and lotsa drinks afterwards. After all that noise, I'm now watching some DVD my aunt lent me. Nice story... Will cut this short since I can't make out what to type here... and I'm kinda hungry... again.
Woohoo! Took many nice photos of family, firecrackers and a mix of both. I love New Year's Eve coz food is always THE BEST and lotsa drinks afterwards. After all that noise, I'm now watching some DVD my aunt lent me. Nice story... Will cut this short since I can't make out what to type here... and I'm kinda hungry... again.