WISHES

"I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." I think I am too grown-up to chant that before going to bed. Nonetheless, making wishes gives some form of direction for a pursuit or a goal yet to be achieved. I could only imagine waking up one morning and not knowing what to do or what to aim for.

I believe wishes and opportunities come hand-in-hand. A wish remains a wish unless a door opens to reveal what lies beyond it. Sometimes the goal looks as miniscule as an object that is miles and miles away. Sometimes, it is just staring right at you standing at the doorstep.

What happens when "Carpe Diem" isn't as simple doing it as speaking of it? When a wish evolves to an opportunity, with the passing of time, it slowly eludes you, lest you do something quick and hold on to it. The trick with opportunities is that it comes when you least expect it to. "Had I been more prepared for it, I could have given all to seize it.... BUT" Let it stop right there with the big fat "but". I think what follows won't come out as a surprise to many of us. Yes, we make wishes. We pray hard for the opportunity. to come... real soon. And then it suddenly creeps in at you like a thief in the night. And then it leaves you feeling cheated, like flashing a candy infront of a kid and then immediately swallowing it. What a tease!

And so there goes the opportunity. Brushing off the dust and standing up once more isn't a simple chore as what the cliche might dictate. It helps a lot to realize what exactly went wrong; what was holding me back; what kept me from meeting the expectation of holding on to it like dear life. Some may agree or disagree with me with what I am about to say. (Keep it to yourself, by the way.) There is no point having something if you can't keep it. Some would counter "Well, you'll never know what happens after it unless you tried." "Point taken, but I'll take this road, thank you." Spoken like an evolved cynic.

So what happens to the wish then? It stays. It has to, lest the compass would just be spinning round and round. I guess with every lost opportunity, there is always some amount of hope that another opportunity comes knocking. The previous one might come knocking once more, ever elusive and yet more familiar this time around, or it could be a new one, mysterious yet of better value.

I view lost opportunites not as failures nor products of lame excuses nor of sheer laziness. The world just didn't conspire to provide me with the resources necassary for me to also generously shower what I am capable of sharing. And I do hope this is well understood by myself and the rest of the universe. I could say that if I had what I needed and if I had my insecurities filled up, then why would I forego of a wish that has become an opportunity right under my nose? I guess it was not for me to decide, but for the world to understand that patience and understanding would have made things work. And perhaps if the world truly knew what's deep in my heart and mind... *sigh It will never care to even know.

And all these is for the world to know that I am not out here to prove something. Nor do I exist to be judged and spoken about. That's what the weather is for - to be judged and spoken about. I am here to live a decent life just like anyone else. That is my every right and so it is for everyone else. I am here to give my love and my life's worth to the world as a token for the abundance it has endowed upon me. I am here to be taken for who I am, to be treated as a person who feels and can feel for others as well. I am not Superman nor am I Clark Kent. I am not as smart as some would say I am. But even if I thought of myself as totally dumb and stupid, dumb people can have wishes too.