School officially starts today. This is the last stretch for my so called "college" life. In 4 months, I'll be free to chart my life... can't wait for that moment to come. There's something terribly wrong with my health now. At sometime 3AM for the past two successive nights, I woke up with convulsions. My body shivers all over and I could hardly breathe and I keep on coughing just to get a gasp of air. It's been happening for two straight nights already. If this still happens by Saturday, I'll try to seek doctor's advice on this.

REALIZATION OF THE TIMES

When I lost contact with the person I love, I wonder whether I made the right choice when returning back as friends was an option she laid on the table. In my attempts to keep the relationship, naturally I was not ammenable to the quick "restart back as friends" because it would mean that everything that happened was to go down the drain. But now I think I'd feel much better if we're still good friends than how miserably I'm feeling right now about the lost communication thing. I ask myself this: "Why am I hurting so much, such that the pain tears me everytime my mind thinks of what happened to us?" Could the next statements be the answer to my question? I need your thoughts peeps. Here it goes. The probable answer to my question could be: The intensity of the feeling of being hurt/affected is caused primarily by the loss of the FRIENDSHIP or what most of us would coin as the PINAGSAMAHAN. Though the love lost is also a big thing, but it's minimal compared to the loss of good times we once shared. We still claim to be bestfriends as of the time she wrote me that Friendster testimonial ... I dunno whether this statement still holds true for now on her side because it's been months since we haven't talked or seen each other. I THINK we are still friends, but why is it that whenever I wanna communicate with her either through text, email or call, something stops me from doing so. What stops me is what she told me in a text weeks ago and it went like this: "Lingaw baya to pag kita pa, pero I miss our laags and chika2X about life when we were still just friends." And when I asked her why is it that we can't relive thos laag2X and chika2X about life days, this was her reply "Now is not the time for chika2X and laag2X" And when I asked her why it's not the right time to start all over again, she said "Big factor akong parents and partly ako.a pud." As to what that statement meant, I have no idea what it means and I stopped asking na lang. So what did that reply mean to you peeps? Does that mean that we can't be friends anymore? I hope you dear readers could help me make out the meaning to it. I dunno how she is doing with her life, with her work, with the trip she just made, and as her friend I would want to know how she is because I still do care about her. Even if we broke up, there's still this part of me that continues to care and love her for who she really is. I really do. The only way to know that is for me to ask her, to communicate with her, but I can't because as she told me, communicating would only confuse her with her moving on process. She said that she still does think of me pero she doesn't text me because by texting me, she will remember the happy moments we once had and it would just confuse her daw with the break up decision she made. *sigh. So I guess this cutting of communication is something that's imposed on us by the current situation and I seem to have no choice but to follow such imposition. Guys initiate communication, but with the things she told me, I think doing so would just irritate her and could make things worse between us. Do you peeps think so? I think communicating won't hurt, but I'm afraid about what she might have to say about it. Anyway, I'd appreciate whatever thoughts you could give. For your comments, you may tag on the board or for more personal stuff, you can email me at johnalexanderlim@yahoo.com. I'd really appreciate it if anyone could give me some of their thoughts and advices. Thanks. I need your views, if you could spare some time for me. For those still in school, good luck nga pala in your studies for this semester. Start it right, start it with a bang!