Bloghopping on Thin Ice
I got to post Sunday's blog just this morning. The phone lines just went back a couple of minutes ago. The morning seems to be long, so I decided to check everyone's site and read their blogs from the top of the page to their oldest blogs down the page... it goes with their respective tagboards.

I spent most of the time at Leslie's site. What captivated me??? It's either the blue color of her site, which I happen to like very much, or the topic of her blog and her tagboard. I guess both mixed up really well to create that distinct effect. Love and Blue... seems like my emotions are suddenly walking on thin ice again.

Of Acid Tests and The Post Valentines Syndrome (that is if it does exist)
I want to share the conversation I had with Leslie the other night. I called her up, since I needed her p.o.v on a certain issue. I sort of have this guilt in me that I'm the reason why my barkada has fallen to pieces. It seems to me now that I was the only one holding the whole group together. It now appears that my courtship of that girl was comparable to one big show like Pangako Sa 'Yo and after the show was over, everyone just left, disbanded, drove off and went back to their homes. It's really disheartening to see this happen. It's my personal struggle with the girl... what does this have to do with the rest of the group??? Whenever we meet at the canteen, we used to pull tables and chairs together or at least sit on adjacent tables. Now, we rarely meet at the canteen and if we do, one group sat on this area, the other 5 meters away and the rest... never mind mentioning. I guess it's true that friends are indeed like wine... and that the acid test still remains the ultimate test of friendship.

Leslie's blog and tag-board posts brought back some of my thoughts on love matters. I know that we should make everyday Christmas Day, but Valentines Day everyday... it spells only one thing for me... thin ice amidst troubled waters. Someone the other day told me that he wonders why everyone this year seems to be talking about love, love and LOVE... I guess no matter how Apple_Pay assures me that I'm not becoming dense, I still believe I have grown really DENSE, DENSE THICK, IMPENETRABLY DENSE!

Tot korner
When I say I feel very old, I mean I have given much thought to almost about everything. I grew up in an environment full of mature adults. I was never the typical child that spent hours on the playground or in front of the black box playing PS2, Sega or Nintendo. I was either watching news, watching Chinese drama with my Ama, reading science books, building models of warplanes, sketching & drawing or listening to the conversations between my mum and my aunts & uncles. Whenever they talked about business and family matters over Sunday lunch table, I was always there, even to this day. During those lunch talks over tea and coffee, my brother and my other cousins are in my Ama's room playing, while I was with the grownups... trying to decipher what exactly is happening and what are they really talking about. I was always told in Chinese - "We are given two ears and only one mouth." So I just listened and didn't say a word.

I guess with love matters, I have given much pondering... and most of my thoughts all go to it. Being without a dad and a mother whom I'm not so open to when it comes to matters like these, I have charged into this battlefield with only my armor, my shield, my banner and with God as my sword. Maybe this explains why Maia says "walay brake ug kambyohay". I must have mentioned this phrase a couple of times in my past blogs. I just dive to the depths of the CHILL waters... into the COLDNESS of the heart of MOST women... and leave it to fate whether I'd die entering the realms of the unknown or I'd find that garden of bliss I have long sought for.

This is the reality of it. Definitely the extremes... PAIN vs BLISS This is how unpredictable the condition is. Some even are already married when they realize that their spouses are either gay or have those really dark secrets. These are the flaws that come with life... It has nothing to do with trusting and I guess there's no telling whether these "surprise, surprise!" will also happen to us. The existence of the unexpected is what makes life precisely... LIFE. If everything were so predictable, then what's the point of living. If you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

Love is a leap of fate. More so, it really is a leap of FAITH. It's about trust. When you trust, you don't doubt. You are sincere and your word becomes the binding seal. "Do not accept if seal is broken" I could say that those past internet quizzes I took are perfect definitions of my personality. I am capable of trust. Even to the point of ABSOLUTE trust, but when that trust is broken, I could also do an ABSOLUTE ditching and de-weeding... similar to what I'm now doing with the people whom I've trusted like family who ended up being traitors biting me behind my back. They just don't know that their backbiting days are over, since there are some who reveal the truth even without me asking them to. My CIA network may not be that accurate, but on this end of finding double agents, oh they do their jobs damn well!