I'm now at TAP TC blogging 'coz I can't blog at home. I've exceeded my monthly limit downloading MP3's, so I get to blog someplace else. Anyway, I just came from the COMELEC Booth to cast my vote. Just voted for the sake of exercising one's right. Never liked politics... much more the dirty politics here at USC. The government here is like a CIRCUS.. with elephants, clowns, jugglers and idiots.

I'm now waiting for my 6:00 class. A friend here at TAP told me the teacher of our 6:00 class is absent the whole day, so no class. Have to wait till 7:30 to hitch with my cousin.

I had no idea what to blog till I read Adrian's blog. Months ago, I took an exam at the Guidance Office. An analysis of the results was handed out to me. The counselor said: Your IQ: *finger pointed upwards. Your EQ: *counselor bends downward with open palm facing up with the other side of his hand touching the FLOOR. I was very alarmed with what the counselor told me. He said that I was one person whose mind and heart are very strong... and all are at the extremes. He said that my mind is too firm to be controlled by the heart, and the heart feels too much without the mind's reason handling any part of it.

I was deeply worried, so I bought a book on Emotional Intelligence. Even after reading the book, still I couldn't make my mind and heart work hand-in-hand. Despite that, I still fall hard.. and as what Maia would put it: walay kambyohay.

You might be asking, "What's this got to do with Adrian's blog?" Well, from the things that happened to me lately, I have this fear of just throwing myself to the clutches of my emotions... the dictates of the heart. I know it's strong, but I should know the mind is also strong. Men may be the head of the family, but the women are the neck. And the neck sure can make the head turn in any direction the neck wants it to. Just like that, the mind can also supress the tsunami's of the heart. That's exactly what's happening to me. I'm holding back... reigning my horses in. My fear is that I'll close my ports to the world and all that will be left of me is an empty lot. I just wanna pour in some thoughts of mine before the fields go barren. I know my flames of passion still burn, but not as hot as before. Perhaps someone may come along and rekindle the warmth of these flames... or someone may just put the flames out once and for all. Only God knows how life goes for me.

While I was reading Adrian's blog, I couldn't help but recall the thoughts that I once had... my Dreams (with a capital D).. my goals... my aspirations... my hopes... the flames of passion that once lit the dark recesses of my human soul... the light at the end of the dark tunnel that defined my very existence - "... this too shall pass". Months ago, I also did some thinking similar to that of Adrian's, but I never took the time to share it wih you folks... because I was busy... busy with thinking of someone... but that's over now... no hope, so I must move on and share those thoughts I had with you.

If you, dear bloggers, could still remember, I posted a blog wherein I was busy stargazing till the wee hours of the morning at the rooftop. Those, to me, were the nights where I thought about the so-called PERFECT life I wanted to have... the close family I belong to... the perfect circle of friends... the ideal girlfriend... graduation... the high-paying job... the most romantic engagement and wedding proposals (have to come up with one that's better than those in the screens)... the perfect wedding... the coziest house... waking up each day looking at my wife and say "God, what's a lovely girl like her doing with a bum like me!"... the smart, charming, and amusing kids who bring joy and color to the world... the sight of my kids all grown up and living up to their dreams... the perfect journey to Heaven. I'd give up anything else just to have all these.

I've dreamt a couple of times of something similar to City of Angels... that I saw all my dreams flash like scenes cut from a movie. Bright light flashes in... everything moves in slow motion... sounds muffled by the vespers of the wind... like whispers shattering silence. My face draws an expression of awe in ironic disbelief. I run with hands reaching out like a child to its mother... yet all is but an illusion. My eyes deceive me. I trip and the tangible fragments come rushing forth like bullets penetrating me, but come to pass right through my permeable body. I fall into a dark well. I fall faster and faster with a speed that burns my face. A circle of bright light floods in and I wake up realizing it was just a dream. I pinch myself, and YES it was just a dream.

I could say I'm a very old person who has already experienced a lot. Sometimes I ask myself, could there be more to life? I guess there's more I have to undergo. I've realized that life isn't perfect and that some things happen or don't happen for reasons only God knows why. I've always wanted to know how it feels to have the one I love in my arms, caressing, with her head perfectly laid on my shoulder. They say doing so could generate enough heat for 2 people to bear a ravaging snowstorm. I wonder if it's but a poet's verse. I believe it could happen.

Tot gave me a very thought-provoking remark days ago. She told me that the ones I get to like are the quiet... hilomon types. It appears so, because they look mysterious... and the mysterious type definitely catches the eye... but the one that captures the heart is the one who speaks her mind. I may not be MOST MEN, but I definitely love a girl who is honest and open enough to share her thoughts. Silent waters may run deep, but if you're too quiet... umm... I might start wondering if that thing up there is really working. In short, it's nice to have someone who has a good head over her shoulders. Smart.

Another thought that crossed my mind... I've always wanted to live in a house facing the sea... like we're the only people on a deserted island far from civilization. It may sound like I'm shutting out the world, but it's more like I getting more privacy and spending all the time in the world I have with the people that matter most in my life... wife and kids. No beeper and cellphone calls from work... no reports to type and check... no financial statements to balance... NO WORRIES, NO DISTRACTIONS. It's just me, my family and nature. It's my own peaceful space on earth. It's my Garden of Eden, my paradise. I could remember a movie starring Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni... "THE FAMILY MAN" Cage was given a taste of a life he could have had if he hadn't boarded the plane to some place. The best part of that movie was when he said "Everything that's important is on this bed." - Cage, Leoni and their 2 lovely little kids. I guess that part of the movie beats all those famous movie lines we tag so often.

It's getting long already and I'm the only one at the cafe. I'll pour in more thoughts every now and then. Keep posted.